Some Long Overdue Lovin'...

The "Chri-ma Recap" 2005

Quote of the Holiday:
"What a terrible mother you are, taking that baby's beer away from him!"
~Mom, to my cousin Catherine as her 2-year old screamed bloody murder after only getting one little sip of "his" beer... you know how drunks can be when you try to take away their alcohol (see right)...

We managed to do all the required holiday activities: watched "Emmet Otter's Jugband Christmas" & "National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation", went in search of tacky Christmas light displays (very disappointing this year -- way too classy... what has happened to my hometown & the days of lights being strung around the Virgin Mary's neck in the manger scene, for goodness sake!?), went to church, ate Dad's gumbo on Christmas Eve, had a squabble amongst family members, drank alcohol on a pretty consistent & continual basis, stuffed our faces nonstop, built a raging fire even though it was 60 degrees outside, etc.

And poor Jon, he deserves *major* points for surviving the first Christmas with my family -- the first outsider we've let in without being forced via marriage... I know we can be a bit of a handful, but let me commend him for taking it oh-so-so gracefully & in stride... It takes a strong man....

I made out like a thief as far as presents (then again, I always do -- I have a fabulous family & boyfriend who know me well, but I'm not afraid to admit that I'm a bit spoiled beyond what I deserve!)... However, I must note that nearly every present fell into one of the following categories:

1. House Cleaning & Kitchenwares (a gorgeous full-length mirror from sweet Jon, a vacuum cleaner, an electric wok, napkins & placemats, a cookbook, a bad-ass set of kitchen knives, purple towels, etc.)
2. Bath & Body (lotions, soaps, sugar scrub, body wash, perfume, hand cream, a soft-as-can-be bathrobe, etc.)
3. Clothing & Accessories (scarves, sweaters, gloves, jewelry, etc.)

So apparently, according to my gifts, I need to work on my house-cleaning/cooking skills {or lack thereof}, add a splash of lavender to my personal hygiene regimen, and accessorize more &/or better... I think it's some sort of hint disguised as gifting. But I love it all nonetheless. And of course there were many other fun gifts thrown in here and there:

• as always, a picture frame of a Dead Pre$ident in it (see above left, even though this time it's Ben Franklin, so it's not technically a President, but I'll sure take it!)
• a purple beaded ring my cousin had specially made for me -- so unique & meaningful...
• MONEY
• some really, really good wine -- thanks Dad!!!
• picture frames (burgundy & plum velvet) -- I mean, can you ever have too many???

I was able to find Jon the DVD of "Flash Gordon" for Christmas happy -- not an easy one to locate & I swear that movie borders on "B-Movie" status, you know? And with a soundtrack by Queen, well, you just can't beat that with a stick. But before you think I'm just too good to be true (& I know that's exactly what you were all thinking, right?), I also got him the Butt/Face soap and the Pooping Santa candy. Genius.

As I noted in a previous post, I have fallen in love w/ my cousin's youngest son, Matthew. I just a/b had them convinced to give him to me (his Dad was gung-ho, even more so after we offered them a new car AND Formula One race tickets & the older brother would just love to see him gone, but I think my cousin wants to keep him -- hmph). There's a picture of him after they got him in the new froggie sweater I bought him that I'll have to post later (I got the matching pants, too, but Jon drew the line & made me put the matching socks back). But instead, I'm posting a goodbye pic of him with my dad, just before they took my little guy back home to Georgia with them (sniff, sniff).... That child smiles all the damn time -- it's uncanny. He's just a happy little person & it's totally infectious!

Unfortunately, I think, so are the colds they brought with them. Jon & I were sick all through Christmas -- coughing, wheezing, runny noses, the works... I've been about a day behind him, so each day I can look at him & know what to expect. Thank heavens he's finally on the mend. I've been living on Robitussin & NyQuil, so you know I've been a whole lotta fun lately! It's certainly no fun to be sick, but on Christmas? Well, that's just mean. I had "walking pneumonia" one year -- and man, was that a blast. Plus, I'm in my friend Molly's wedding on Friday (donning a beautiful but strapless bridesmaid's dress, my big fat ass right on the heels of Thanksgiving AND Christmas wiggling into it, the lack of any tan -- oh this is gonna be lovely). At least it doesn't matter -- this wedding is not about me anyway!!! ;)

As I say every Christmas since I was a little bitty kid, "I got everything I wanted and nothing I didn't want!" And I wish the same for all of you... God bless!!!

"Have a Shitty Christmas!!!"

Without further ado, here is the lovely and ever-so-classy picture that was used for the Christmas cards that were sent out by Jon & myself (to a limited number of people, of course, as these weren't exactly the type of cards one would send to grandparents or anything -- unless, of course, you're MY grandparents!). Some people send cute pictures of their kids or pets, but I just couldn't resist the lonely toilet left standing alone in the aftermath of addition of a huge bathroom @ my parents' house (affectionately referred to by me as the "annex"). I just had to pluck up a nearby poinsettia, plop it into the bowl, and snap away!!!

So, to all of you who may or may not have received one of my cards, here's wishing you a Shitty Christmas!!! (and I mean that from the bottom of my sweet little heart)

Workplace Chit-Chat

Overheard following a huge & irritated sigh from a co-worker:

"I'm glad I don't carry a gun around or I might shoot myself. [long pause] I'd take out a few people I know first, though..."

A Relative Who Doesn't Talk Back... YET.

I am in love with this little boy, Matthew. I would say my nephew, but as my good pal, the should-have-been June Carter Cash, pointed out to me, I'm an only child who is not married, so technically, I don't have a nephew. But he's my cousin's youngest son, and she & I are more like sisters, so he IS my nephew, dammit! And he laughs and smiles and is ticklish and rosy-cheeked, and I love, love, love him! Plus (and this is a big plus), I have only heard him cry once. ONCE. And even then he would pause mid-wail b/c he would start cracking himself up...

Family Holiday Drama, Rainbow Nails, and Friends Who Came Home Skinnier Than They Left...

Monday. Ugh. And not only that, but the Monday before Christmas. Family is arriving, I'm apparently the only one who has a job that actually needs to be done, so when I am not at their beck-and-call (particularly my mother's), I'm made out to be a selfish asshole. Example: I could not meet her @ a store @ the time of HER choice to buy my boyfriend a Christmas present because I'm working... ergo, I never think about others, am difficult to deal with, make everything complicated, etc. Yeah, okay. If they'd give me the whole week off so I wouldn't have to work like them, well, then I'd meet them anytime, anyplace. Otherwise, I've got shit to do!!! Like I told Jon today, let the family holiday drama/fighting begin! It just wouldn't be the same without it...
I've been meaning & meaning to take a picture of the sign shown above that I pass by almost daily. It pretty much sums up the season here in Mississippi. Deer feeders and fireworks. Of course they go hand-in-hand, right?

On a different note, I thought I would share my lovely fingernails with you all, dear readers... Tacky, tacky, tacky -- I love it!!! Blue, Gold, Red, Green, & Purple. What other time of year can you get away with painting your nails like multi-colored Christmas lights, right? (Well, let's be honest -- I can't really get away with it now, but I did it anyway) I think the word my boyfriend used to describe me was, "crazy". And I don't think he meant fun, wild, and "crazy", but more like, that's really strange, bordering on "crazy".

Matthew got home from Prague, and I think we have thus far disappointed him b/c we haven't been real fun, but rather a bit laid-back. He's been more accustomed to going out a lot and, umm, well, now he's back in Meridian. So the options are narrowed a bit. That's why you gotta find a group of people you like and create your own entertainment!!!! (in his defense, we all watched "Christmas Vacation" one night and went to see "Walk the Line" the next -- nothing too exciting to welcome him back home) Anyway, here we are:

Partido de Navidad de la Compañía

We had our company Christmas party last night and it was quite fun... For those of you who do not know, I work in a car dealership, so we set up the Parts counter as our bar, the paging system was flooded with cheesy Christmas tunes (which I later realized was also being piped outside for all to hear), and the showroom floor housed all the yummy & no doubt unhealthy food (including my dad's delectable tenderloin that he always cooks)... Let's just say I had a lot of "parts" to pick up and spent a good bit of time visiting that area... And I was probably a smart girl -- the camera did not make an appearance this year... I'm sure y'all were all looking forward to some blackmail-worthy incriminating pictures, but alas, there are none this year... However, you can bet your sweet ass that the embarrassing stories about fellow co-workers were abounding -- many of which involved drunken exploits & escapades from Chistmas parties past... ;-)

My good friend Matthew is scheduled to get home today from his first semester teaching in Prague -- and I suspect he's been doing a lot more fun stuff than just teaching, and I'm jealous as all get-out!!! I can't believe he's been gone over 4 months already... It will be soooo good to see him (although I'm not one bit jealous of that overseas flight, especially having to be in airports around the holidays!)...

Hard to believe Christmas is almost here. However, if one more person asks me if either: a.) I'm ready for Christmas, or b.) I've gotten all of my shopping done, I think I will scream. There's not need for small talk -- they don't really care, I don't really care, let's just not bother, ok? And by the way, just for the record, the answers to those questions are NO and NO...

Standing Guard.

Here is Dixie Lou, mid-stretch, taking a break from her "tree watch". Apparently she has decided that she must either lay on the couch to watch the Christmas tree from one side (and make sure it doesn't get away?), or lay in the chair to watch it from the other... Weird cat.

Good Conversation...

• Me: "Your dog is adorable, what's his name?"
• Friend-of-Mine: "B.J. -- because I really, really, really wanted him..."

Lazy Sunday Afternoon.

How many times have I probably used THAT title!? Oh well, if the shoe fits.......

• Currently Listening To: "Beautiful" by James Blunt
• Currently Reading: A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius by Dave Eggers (and, of course, my celebrity gossip magazines!)

Oh, I actually cooked this morning! And set off the smoke alarm. And burned my arm w/ a bacon skillet just a fuzz. Go figure, right? I don't care what anybody says, that was still some damn fine bacon -- even if it could take years for the seeped-in smell to be filtered out of every nook & cranny of my house...

I did a lot of drinking of red wine this weekend. The stuff & I haven't been hanging out as religiously as we used to, but I think we've re-kindled that friendship again after 2 good nights together... ;)

Matthew is coming home from his first semester teaching in Prague on Friday -- it's hard to believe he's been gone as long as he has, but also that sooooo much has happened since he left!!! It's amazing how quickly and how much our lives can and do change -- it's definitely been in a good way for me... [big smile]

Inebriation + Christmas Lights + Camera = ART?

I had a really, really, really frustrating day @ work yesterday and I am not afraid to own up to the fact that I partook in some abuse of inebriating substances last night, which somehow led to me sitting on my living room floor, admiring my Christmas tree. So then I had the oh-so-bright idea to pull out the trusty ol' camera and have some fun with it. [Okay, it must be noted here that "fun" was a relative term when in an intoxicated state]

I have not yet gone so far as to assign titles to all of these beauties, but I'm telling you folks, THIS IS ART. If you would like to purchase prints of these, just e-mail me and let me know. They would make great stocking stuffers and whatnot for Christmas (oh yeah, I said it -- CHRISTMAS -- take that, all you ACLU/PC/atheist whiners). Okay, so I'm full of shit and these were just some drunken pictures I took... but whatever.

And, yes, I am well aware that these are just light streaks, but give me a break. For one moment yesterday, I didn't have to think about anything (most notably, work)!!!! And it was lovely...

Hunting Season.

It is hunting season here in Mississippi, so with football winding down (or up, depending upon what team you root for, or "for whom you root"), I get to hear more & more about things I really do not care to hear about. But anyway, along with hunting season comes the worry that someone will shoot our sweet little doe, Willow. She's only a year old, so she's not very big, and she dons a lovely and stylish hunter orange collar, as evidenced by her mug shot to the left, but there are some assholes out there and you just never know. So anyway... I heard about this man up in Pennsylvania who spray-painted all of his farm animals with orange paint to deter hunters from shooting them -- horses, goats, chickens, dogs, the works... The thought of a hunter-orange painted chicken is hilarious, but I must admit, it's not a bad idea! I suggested we try this tactic with Willow, but no one took me up on the offer... yet. But if you see an orange deer, feel free to give her some love. Or just feed her 'Nilla Wafers and she'll adore you forever.

Holiday Kisses...

These are kisses being lavished upon poor Jon, the resident animal magnet, from Tallulah while he tries to watch a football game. She has now started lightly nipping at anyone who has the audacity to try to take her away from him. Little whore.

The World Outside "Kelly Land".

(title credited to an excerpt from a recently received text message from a pal...)

Gasp! There really IS a world outside of my life? Who knew...

Seriously, though... every once it awhile I'll do something that makes me think I must be the biggest oddball on earth, how could there ever be anyone whose whole life & personality is as strange & intense as mine? How selfish of an outlook is that? And not in a pressure-like intense way, but in an self-affecting-intense way. Hmmmm... ponder that real tough one. Eureka! -- could it be everyone else in this pretty large world has stuff going on, too, in their own lives -- with or without me!? Perish the thought!!!

On Friday night, we ventured out to an actual EVENT in Meridian -- and a cool one at that! We started out drinking @ Weidmann's (as usual -- & no doubt the loudest & most obnoxious, or youngest, table -- success!). You forget what faces can pop up in Meridian when you least expect it, even if it is a {relatively} small town. It thank 1/2 of the town was @ the Meridian High football game (including my parents, who have told me repreatedly what a good game it was -- okay, I get it, but I was happier to see my beer)... they showed up later at the Son Volt concert, which was great, & that happy fun was no doubt aided lovingly by a nice little buzz!!!

The hightlight of the night -- and I dare anyone present to disagree -- was our table witnessing one of our friends, who is notorious for instigating drama & fights, was accusing a local (female) tv personality/friend of ours of giving him the "fuck me eyes" on her last broadcast, and then, KABLOOM! He & his chair hit the ground, just as an older lady he had a drunken, ummm, encounter with, who now ignores him like the plague, and who is now dubbed "[friend-in-question]'s girlfriend" in an off-the-shoulder tight & skimpy little number. It was the most classic moment & I got the biggest belly laugh out of it. It put me @ peace to see such a beautiful moment from start to finish. Put it this way, I was giggling so hard, I was snorting... I just couldn't get my camera out fast enough, & he had already uprighted himself by the time I snapped the picture below: