Random Thoughts...

1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

5. How the heck are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

6. Was learning cursive really necessary?

7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5. I’m pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

9. Bad decisions make good stories.

10. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.

11. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.

12. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring, but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?

13. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day.

14. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than with Kay.

Say My Name...

File this one under: "One of the DUMBEST Things I've Ever Heard"

An excerpt from Star Magazine:

As the final weeks before the birth of her second child ticked away, a walk down the aisle was the furthest thing from Nicole Richie's mind.

"Right now, we're really, really focused on our family. We're focused on our foundation," the 27-year old mom told a TV interviewer."

Seriously? What a dumbass.

Our little huntress...

Allow me to explain... Yesterday morning, I was walking into the kitchen, only to be greeted by our sweet little black cat, Kitty Bug. Upon closer inspection, I noticed that she had something furry dangling out of her mouth. Given past experiences, I assumed it was a poor little dead mole she was bringing to us, but I was wrong. Turns out it was poor little chipmunk instead.

I hurried up to her and she gladly let me grab it from her mouth, so proud of herself for her "catch". As I was running for the door while holding the chipmunk by its tail as it dangled limply, I could see that its little cheeks were packed full of food. Well, that made me feel even worse, that my Kitty would prey on this poor little creature while it was just innocently hunting & gathering!

I rushed to get the poor thing outside and away from Kitty, lest I return home later from work to find a half-eaten chipmunk on my bed. As I laid it out on the deck, a little green acorn rolled out of its mouth.... and then it raised its head and started looking around! Within moments, it quickly scampered off back into the backyard, alive and well! I was so excited to find that my murderous Kitty had not struck once again -- yet (guess she was just going to bat the little guy around & torture it until it bit the dust).

I bet I know one little chipmunk who won't be back to our yard.

Touche'.

Think about this:
1. Cows
2. The Constitution
3. The Ten Commandments

COWS
Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that during the mad cow epidemic our government could track a single cow, born in Canada almost three years ago, right to the stall where she slept in the state of Washington? And, they tracked her calves to their stalls. But they are unable to locate 11 million illegal aliens wandering around our country. Maybe we should give each of them a cow..

THE CONSTITUTION
They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for Iraq .... why don't we just give them ours? It was written by a lot of really smart guys, it has worked for over 200 years, and we're not using it anymore.

THE 10 COMMANDMENTS
The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments posted in a courthouse is this -- you cannot post 'Thou Shalt Not Steal' 'Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery' and 'Thou Shall Not Lie' in a building full of lawyers, judges and politicians ... it creates a hostile work environment.

hope & change, my friends...

Long story short, we have some customers who just went from a car to an SUV and think something is wrong with the SUV (mind you, it's highly possible that they just aren't used to how one drives compared to a car). We have had it tested it for EVERYTHING -- both internally AND by a third-party dealer. Prognosis by all? "Operating as designed". (Obviously we want to help, but there really appears to be nothing wrong that anyone can find!) So anyway, one evening the customer calls and one of our salesmen is calmly & kindly trying to help her and calm her down (mind you, not HER salesman as she had already been so ugly to him that he was done) when out of nowhere she starts calling him a racist -- then goes on to say, and I quote, "All you just mad because Obama got elected."

Hold the f-ing phone. Really? I mean, REALLY!? The reality could not be further from the truth and it makes me utterly sick to my stomach just to have it said at all, no matter its validity (or in this case, INvalidity). Is this what our society is stooping to now? Sad...

The kicker? We come to work the next morning to find a rock thrown through our front window and glass everywhere. Coincidence? Perhaps, but you tell me.

random email from mere...

song just came on my pandora...

Don't Marry Her by The Beautiful South

says: don't marry her, fuck me.

i about choked on my drink. hilarious.

Yes Ma'am.

Many saw Barbara Boxer as she admonished a brigadier general because he addressed her as "ma'am" and not "Senator" before a Senate hearing. This letter is from a National Guard aviator and Captain for Alaska Airlines. I wonder what he would have said if he was really angry.

Dear Senator Boxer:

You were so right on when you scolded the general on TV for using the term, "ma'am," instead of "Senator". After all, in the military, "ma'am" is a term of respect when addressing a female of superior rank or position. The general was totally wrong. You are not a person of superior rank or position. You are a member of one of the world's most corrupt organizations, the U.S. Senate, equalled only by the U.S. House of Representatives.

Congress is a cesspool of liars, thieves, inside traders, traitors, drunks (one who killed a staffer, yet is still revered), criminals, and other low level swine who, as individuals (not all, but many), will do anything to enhance their lives, fortunes and power, all at the expense of the People of the United States and its Constitution, in order to be continually re-elected. Many democrats even want American troops killed by releasing photographs. How many of you could honestly say, "We pledge our lives, our fortunes and our sacred honor"? None? One? Two?

Your reaction to the general shows several things. First is your abysmal ignorance of all things military. Your treatment of the general shows you to be an elitist of the worst kind. When the general entered the military (as most of us who served) he wrote the government a blank check, offering his life to protect your derriere, now safely and comfortably ensconced in a 20 thousand dollar leather chair, paid for by the general's taxes. You repaid him for this by humiliating him in front of millions.

Second is your puerile character, lack of sophistication, and arrogance which borders on the hubristic. This display of brattish behavior shows you to be a virago, termagant, harridan, nag, scold or shrew, unfit for your position, regardless of the support of the unwashed, uneducated masses who have made California into the laughing stock of the nation.

What I am writing, Senator, are the same thoughts countless millions of Americans have toward Congress, but who lack the energy, ability or time to convey them. Under the democrats, some don't even have the 44 cents to buy the stamp. Regardless of their thoughts, most realize that politicians are pretty much the same, and will vote for the one who will bring home the most bacon, even if they do consider how corrupt that person is. Lord Acton (1834-1902) so aptly charged, "Power tends to corrupt and absolute power corrupts absolutely." Unbeknownst to you and your colleagues, "Mr. Power" has had his way with all of you, and we are all the worse for it.

Finally Senator, I, too, have a title. It is "Right Wing Extremist Potential Terrorist Threat." It is not of my choosing, but was given to me by your Secretary of Homeland Security, Janet Napolitano. And you were offended by "ma'am"?

Have a fine day. Cheers!

Jim Hill
16808 - 103rd Avenue Court East
South Hill, WA 98374

Prozac Nation.

It's funny, but when I was little, before I'd go to sleep my mom would do this routine with me where she'd tell me to think of pretty things. I would close my eyes & she would run her fingers over my cheeks & across my brow. And we'd go through this list. I think it was a way of preventing nightmares -- & it would always be, you know, pussycats & puppy dogs & balloons at the zoo. Sometimes she'd mention yellow submarines, stars in the sky, blackbirds flying overhead, trees in Central Park & even -- believe it or not -- that on Saturday I would get to see Daddy. Nothing that extraordinary, but when you're 4 years old, it's cats & dogs that make life worth living. And I kind of think it's maybe not so different now.

~ Elizabeth Wurtzel

The alarm went off months ago already, but there's still time to wake up...

If George W. Bush had given Gordon Brown a set of inexpensive and incorrectly formatted DVDs, when Gordon Brown had given him a thoughtful and historically significant gift, would you have approved?

If George W. Bush had given the Queen of England an iPod containing videos of his speeches, would you have thought this embarrassingly narcissistic and tacky?

If George W. Bush had bowed to the King of Saudi Arabia, would you have approved?

If George W. Bush had visited Austria and made reference to the non-existent "Austrian language," would you have brushed it off as a minor slip?

If George W. Bush had filled his cabinet and circle of advisers with people who cannot seem to keep current on their income taxes, would you have approved?

If George W. Bush had been so Spanish illiterate as to refer to “Cinco de Cuatro” in front of the Mexican ambassador when it was the fourth of May (Cuatro de Mayo), and continued to flub it when he tried again, would you have winced in embarrassment?

If George W. Bush had misspelled the word "advice" would you have hammered him for it for years like Dan Quayle and "potatoe" as “proof” of what a dunce he is?

If George W. Bush had burned 9,000 gallons of jet fuel to go plant a single tree on “Earth Day”, would you have concluded he’s a hypocrite?

If George W. Bush’s administration had okayed Air Force One 20 flying low over millions of people followed by a jet fighter in downtown Manhattan causing widespread panic, would you have wondered whether they actually “get” what happened on 9-11?

If George W. Bush had been the first President to need a teleprompter installed to be able to get through a press conference, would you have laughed and said this is more proof of how he inept he is on his own and is really controlled by smarter men behind the scenes?

If George W. Bush had failed to send relief aid to flood victims throughout the Midwest with more people killed or made homeless than in New Orleans, would you want it made into a major ongoing political issue with claims of racism and incompetence?

If George W. Bush had ordered the firing of the CEO of a major corporation, even though he had no constitutional authority to do so, would you have approved?

If George W. Bush had proposed to double the national debt, which had taken more than two centuries to accumulate, in one year, would you have approved?

If George W. Bush had then proposed to double the debt again within 10 years, would you have approved?

If George W. Bush had reduced your retirement plan’s holdings of GM stock by 90% and given the unions a majority stake in GM, would you have approved?

If George W. Bush had spent hundreds of thousands of dollars to take Laura Bush to a play in NYC, would you have approved?

So, tell me again, what is it about Obama that makes him so brilliant and impressive? Can't think of anything? Don't worry. He's done all this in 5 months -- so you'll have three years and seven months to come up with an answer. Insanity is wide spread. Real Americans are waking up.

Hmmm, interesting...

Results taken from the "Compare People" application on Facebook... (of course, this does not include the categories in which I am waaaay for down on the list!)

"Dear" Obama...

Mr. President, the longer you are in office, the less confidence I have in our government, economy, communities and country as a whole and the worse my life becomes. While I readily -- and proudly -- admit that I did NOT vote for you, I held out the highest hopes that you would be able to do good things for this country, for the good of ALL of us. However, in less than 6 months, those hopes have been mercilessly dashed beyond my wildest imagination.

Not only does my family own a General Motors car dealership who had no Democratic Congressman to go plead my case to in an effort to get our dealership "cut" reversed ("gangster government") -- something which I find absolutely DEPLORABLE -- but now we are dealing with this new COBRA policy you have put into effect. I would call it laughable if it wasn't going to cost our already suffering business a pretty penny. Do you really think that people will pay their premiums when they are given 45 days to do so!? You basically just set it up so that they can seamlessly work the system! Get on COBRA, get your illness taken care of, let your former employer pay the premium, don't pay the employer, get your insurance canceled, and guess who is sitting pretty after that? Most definitely not the former employer. And we even have to pay for people who were terminated for wrongdoing, be it stealing, lying, whatever? Ridiculous.

I'm not sure what world you live in up in D.C., but you apparently have no idea how the rest of us live -- or since you took over, TRY to live. We joke about our "Obama pile" of changes that you have made and that most everyone and every business I know and have spoken to cannot keep up with, even though nothing about what you have done is funny. You are setting us up for a liability not out of negligence, but out of our of not being able to understand and keep up with all of these preposterous policy changes, all the while trying to keep a business up and running and people employed.

I am not sure that I could be more disappointed in my President. This country is much worse off than before you took office and we are fast becoming a laughing stock around the world (why do you think Putin gave you a dissertation on the Cold War?). Perhaps you should listen to people around you who have more expertise in the fields in which you are making these decisions. And if you are already doing so, then, sir, you have the wrong people around you.

Skirting Congress with the appointment of "czars" borders on dictatorship and you should be ashamed -- this is not just YOUR country, this is OUR country. It would be nice if you would start to recognize that. I sincerely question your judgment and am fearful of where we will all be in 3.5 years, given where we have gone in just 6 months. It is a scary, scary thought, and I can assure you that I am not the only one who thinks this way -- I'm just not sure you listen to us. It sure doesn't seem like you do.

Thank you for making my life a living, breathing hell. I can assure you that nothing about you has been a pleasure for me. Please start putting some thought -- or rather, RATIONAL thought -- into your decisons and not just how it will affect one group. We live in a democracy, I think someone needs to remind you of that.

Dinner with Obama: A Parable

Once upon a time, I was invited to the White House for a private dinner with the President. I am a respected businessman, with a factory that produces memory chips for computers and portable electronics. There was some talk that my industry was being scrutinized by the administration, but I paid it no mind. I live in a free country. There's nothing that the government can do to me if I've broken no laws. My wealth was earned honestly, and an invitation to dinner with an American President is an honor.

I checked my coat, was greeted by the Chief of Staff, and joined the President in a yellow dining room. We sat across from each other at a table draped in white linen. The Great Seal was embossed on the china. Uniformed staff served our dinner.The meal was served, and I was startled when my waiter suddenly reached out, plucked a dinner roll off my plate, and began nibbling it as he walked back to the kitchen.

"Sorry about that," said the President. "Andrew is very hungry."

"I don't appreciate..." I began, but as I looked into the calm brown eyes across from me, I felt immediately guilty and petty. It was just a dinner roll. "Of course," I concluded, and reached for my glass. Before I could, however, another waiter reached forward, took the glass away and swallowed the wine in a single gulp.

"And his brother Eric is very thirsty," said the President.

I didn't say anything. The President is testing my compassion, I thought. I will play along. I don't want to seem unkind. My plate was whisked away before I had tasted a bite.

"Eric's children are also quite hungry."

With a lurch, I crashed to the floor. My chair had been pulled out from under me. I stood, brushing myself off angrily, and watched as it was carried from the room.

"And their grandmother can't stand for long."

I excused myself, smiling outwardly, but inside feeling like a fool. Obviously I had been invited to the White House to be sport for some game. I reached for my coat, to find that it had been taken. I turned back to the President.

"Their grandfather doesn't like the cold."

I wanted to shout- that was my coat! But again, I looked at the placid smiling face of my host and decided I was being a poor sport. I spread my hands helplessly and chuckled. Then I felt my hip pocket and realized my wallet was gone. I excused myself and walked to a phone on an elegant side table. I learned shortly that my credit cards had been maxed out, my bank accounts emptied, my retirement and equity portfolios had vanished, and my wife had been thrown out of our home. Apparently, the waiters and their families were moving in. The President hadn't moved or spoken as I learned all this, but finally I lowered the phone into its cradle and turned to face him.

"Andrew's whole family has made bad financial decisions. They haven't planned for retirement, and they need a house. They recently defaulted on a sub-prime mortgage. I told them they could have your home. They need it more than you do."

My hands were shaking. I felt faint. I stumbled back to the table and knelt on the floor. The President cheerfully cut his meat, ate his steak and drank his wine. I lowered my eyes and stared at the small grey circles on the tablecloth that were water drops.

"By the way," He added, "I have just signed an Executive Order nationalizing your factories. I'm firing you as head of your business. I'll be operating the firm now for the benefit of all mankind. There's a whole bunch of Eric’s and Andrews out there and they can't come to you for jobs groveling like beggars."

I looked up. The President dropped his spoon into the empty ramekin which had been his Crème Brule. He drained the last drops of his wine. As the table was cleared, he lit a cigarette and leaned back in his chair. He stared at me. I clung to the edge of the table as if were a ledge and I were a man hanging over an abyss. I thought of the years behind me, of the life I had lived. The life I had earned with a lifetime of work, risk and struggle. Why was I punished? How had I allowed it to be taken? What game had I played and lost? I looked across the table and noticed with some surprise that there was no game board between us.

What had I done wrong?

As if answering the unspoken thought, the President suddenly cocked his head, locked his empty eyes to mine, and bared a million teeth, chuckling wryly as he folded his hands.

"You should have stopped me at the dinner roll," he said.

a word FROM the wise...

"You cannot help the poor by destroying the rich. You cannot strengthen the weak by weakening the strong. You cannot bring about prosperity by discouraging thrift. You cannot lift the wage earner up by pulling the wage payer down. You cannot further the brotherhood of man by inciting class hatred. You cannot build character and courage by taking away people's initiative and independence. You cannot help people permanently by doing for them, what they could and should do for themselves."

~ Abraham Lincoln ~

I'm still here, Robert...

Women want Robert Pattinson and men want to be him. But there's at least one lady who's not falling all over herself to be with the well-coifed idol — "Twilight" co-star Kristen Stewart.

According to LimeLife, Pattinson, has given Stewart a "love ultimatum." Ditch her real life boyfriend, or Pattinson's going to, well, we're not exactly sure what he'll do. Stop pining and move on? Write some bad poetry? Start dating Megan Fox? When we know, you'll know.

French Polynesian Honeymoon Photos...

Click here to view these pictures larger

I agree 110%...

The White House
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue NW
Washington , DC 20500

Mr. Obama:

I have had it with you and your administration, sir. Your conduct on your recent trip overseas has convinced me that you are not an adequate representative of the United States of America collectively or of me personally.

You are so obsessed with appeasing the Europeans and the Muslim world that you have abdicated the responsibilities of the President of the United States of America. You are responsible to the citizens of the United States.

You are not responsible to the peoples of any other country on earth. I personally resent that you go around the world apologizing for the United States telling Europeans that we are arrogant and do not care about their status in the world. Sir, what do you think the First World War and the Second World War were all about if not the consideration of the peoples of Europe? Are you brain dead? What do you think the Marshall Plan was all about?

Do you not understand or know the history of the 20th century? Where do you get off telling a Muslim country that the United States does not consider itself a Christian country? Have you not read the Declaration of Independence or the Constitution of the United States? This country was founded on Judeo-Christian ethics and the principles governing this country, at least until you came along, come directly from this heritage. Do you not understand this?

Your bowing to the king of Saudi Arabia is an affront to all Americans. Our President does not bow down to anyone, let alone the king of Saudi Arabia. You don't show Great Britain, our best and one of our oldest allies, the respect they deserve yet you bow down to the king of Saudi Arabia. How dare you, sir! How dare you!

You can't find the time to visit the graves of our greatest generation because you don't want to offend the Germans but make time to visit a mosque in Turkey. You offended our dead and every veteran when you give the Germans more respect than the people who saved the German people from themselves. What's the matter with you?

I am convinced that you and the members of your administration have the historical and intellectual depth of a mud puddle and should be ashamed of yourselves, all of you. You are so self-righteously offended by the big bankers and the American automobile manufacturers yet do nothing about the real thieves in this situation, Mr.. Dodd, Mr. Frank, Franklin Raines, Jamie Gorelic, the Fannie Mae bonuses, and the Freddie Mac bonuses. What do you intend to do about them? Anything? I seriously doubt it.

What about the U.S. House members passing out $9.1 million in bonuses to their staff members -- on top of the $2.5 million in automatic pay raises that lawmakers gave themselves? I understand the average House aide got a 17% bonus. I took a 5% cut in my pay to save jobs with my employer.

You haven't said anything about that. Who authorized that? I surely didn't! Executives at Fannie Mae and Fredd ie Mac will be receiving $210 million in bonuses over an eighteen-month period, that's $45 million more than the AIG bonuses. In fact, Fannie and Freddie executives have already been awarded $51 million -- not a bad take. Who authorized that and why haven't you expressed your outrage at this group who are largely responsible for the economic mess we have right now.

I resent that you take me and my fellow citizens as brain-dead and not caring about what you idiots do. We are watching what you are doing and we are getting increasingly fed up with all of you. I also want you to know that I personally find just about everything you do and say to be offensive to every one of my sensibilities. I promise you that I will work tirelessly to see that you do not get a chance to spend two terms destroying my beautiful country.

Sincerely,

Every Real American

Welcome to Married Life!

Absotively, posilutely exhausted...

Trying to get so many things done before the wedding in 6 days... Work, home, packing, all the arrangements, etc. -- I am utterly pooped. I can now confirm to anyone who wants/needs to know that, just because it is a small wedding, "simple & easy" is still not possible. Of course, I know it is going to be fabulous and Tahiti awaits, so I think I can stick it out. ;)

T-minus 13 Days & 20 Minutes...

Less than two weeks... Less than two weeks... LESS THAN TWO WEEKS!!!

Anxiety levels are high. Blood pressure is through the roof. I can't sleep (but damn if I can't eat!). I'm a total basketcase! Not about getting married or Jon moving in, but about the wedding details! The flowers, the food, the cakes! Ugh! And I'm not even doing the hard work (thank heavens -- again! -- for Mom & Grandmother!!!)

Keep your fingers crossed for my SANITY!!!

Honey & the Moon...

French Polynesia - Tahiti, Moorea & Bora Bora
Famous for its picturesque landscapes -- French painter Gaugin created his most famous works in Tahiti -- and overwater fares (thatched-roof bungalows), French Polynesia consists of 118 motus (small islands) and coral atolls midway between Australia and South America. The postcard-pretty scenery is filled with palms, coconut plantations, fragrant vanilla farms, colorful blooms, citrus trees...and relatively few tourists. According to Tahiti Tourism, more people visit Hawaii in 10 days than come to Tahiti in an entire year. Most visitors travel to the Society island chain, one of five archipelagos that make up French Polynesia, which includes Tahiti, Moorea, and Bora Bora.

In a Word: Stilts
First built in Bora Bora, overwater fares ("fa-RAYS") are a honeymoon must. Suspended on stilts over the water, these dreamy huts feature all the modern amenities of marine life, including plexiglass floors or coffee tables through which you can watch your fellow fish swim beneath your feet (slide a door open to share a bit of croissant from your canoe-delivered breakfast). Many even have lights to illuminate your in-room aquarium at night! Connected by wooden walkways, Christmas-light strings of fares can stretch several hundred feet out into the gentle water. When you're ready to swim, just dive out your doorway.

Why We'd Go: Five Features You'll Never Forget

• Black pearls: Polynesia is the capital of these sultry members of the demure pearl family, which are cultivated in the indigenous black pearl oyster. Tour pearl farms, learn how they are cultivated, and choose your own little beauty on the islands of Mahini, Tahaa, and Rangiroa.
• Surfing: Hail the surfing gods in Tahiti, the sport's birthplace. Popular spots include Papenoo, Punaauia, and Paea. Huahine and Moorea offer clockwork swells and fewer crowds.
• Music: Traditional Polynesian instruments include omnipresent ukuleles, pahu and toere drums, conch shells, nose flutes, and guitars. The lilting island-country tunes are happy and relaxing.
• Friendly fish: In the multiblue lagoons of Polynesia, you can swim with dolphins, sleek moray eels, sea turtles, and docile manta rays who practically glide into your arms looking for treats. Feeling brave? Feed the sharks. Small reef sharks, that is.
• Coconut shell bras: Need we say more?

Pucker Up: Island Aphrodisiac
Missing your mojo? Sip a little noni, a bitter local juice believed to stroke your libido. If that doesn't work, mai tais are always a surefire solution.

Tahiti

Most visitors to French Polynesia land in Tahiti, where the islands' main airport is located, but spend the majority of their trip elsewhere in the islands. Not so fast! Consider spending a day at either end of your trip exploring "The Island of Dreams." The big island's interior is deep green valley covered in rain forest, waterfalls, lava tubes, and fields of flowers. Put a fragrant white tiare, Tahiti's national bloom, behind your left ear (that means you're taken) and explore by foot or Jeep.

In the capital city of Papeete ("pa-pee-AY-tee"), don't miss the Marche du Papeete (central market) to browse black pearls, wood carvings, pareus (sarongs), mother-of-pearl shells, vanilla, coconut oil, coffee, and French perfume. (Knot Note: Haggling is considered rude.) At night, take in a Polynesian show, featuring traditional music and dance plus manly majorettes twirling flaming torches; hit the discos; or head for Rue des Ecoles, the main drag for Polynesian transvestites, known as mahus. The Piano Bar is the best place to people watch and catch a cabaret.

Moorea

The sight of Moorea's jagged volcanic peaks, just 11 miles from Tahiti, proves irresistible to most visitors. Tahiti's hustle and bustle gives way to a quiet isle boasting beautiful bays, lagoons, and pineapple plantation-draped mountain slopes. Moorea means "yellow lizard" and you can reach it by plane (10 minutes) or ferry (30 minutes) from Tahiti.

Rent a Jeep or bikes to see Moorea, and follow the coastal road to ogle the stunning interior mountain range. Be sure to visit Belvedere Lookout, surrounded by mountains save for spectacular vistas over Cook's and Opunohu bays. At night, feast your eyes and stomach at the Tiki Village Theatre. The evening begins with a tamaara feast, in which food -- usually an entire pig -- is wrapped in banana leaves and cooked in a pit oven in the ground. Next, drum-beating dance and fire breathing enhance the effects of that punch you're sipping!

Bora Bora

A 45-minute flight from Tahiti, Bora Bora is a majestic island with three verdant volcanic peaks and offshore islets inside a protective necklace of coral. Famous for its starring role in the 1950's film South Pacific, Bora Bora is French Polynesia's most exclusive island and considered one of the most beautiful in the world. Expect to pay top dollar for accommodations and enjoy the amenities to match. Don't miss dinner at Bloody Mary's, a celeb hangout and island mainstay, where the menu revolves around the catch of the day.

When We'd Go: French Polynesia at its Best

• Best weather: Dry season runs May to October; evenings are sometimes cool enough to necessitate a light sweater.
• Best prices: Rates are consistent year-round
• Festival highlights: The first highlight of the Polynesian calendar is the month-long Heiva i Tahiti festival in July, a festival of music, dancing, sports, arts and crafts that crescendos on July 14, France's Bastille Day. The second big event is the three-day, four-island Hawaiki Nui canoe race. Sixty six-man teams -- often bedecked in traditional tattoos -- from all over the territory and abroad compete against each other. The race ends in Bora Bora to the rhythm of drummers and cheering spectators.

Before You Go: Need-to-Know Info

• Entry requirements: Passport, return ticket
• Language: French, Tahitian, English
• Currency: French Pacific Franc (CFP)
• Flight time: 14 hrs from NYC, 7.5 hrs from LA, 11 hrs from Dallas
• Hotel tax: 9%
• Tipping: Not expected
• Getting around: Le Truck (the public bus service); taxis (very expensive); rental cars; scooters; bikes; inter-island boats, catamarans, or charter flights
• Homework: Read Tales of the South Pacific, Return to Paradise, or Rascals in Paradise, all by James Michener
• More info: Tahiti Tourism, (800) 365-4949

FINALLY -- it's not ALL bad!!!

Changes in your [Facebook Compare People application] ranks:

#1 best to be stuck in handcuffs with (gained 8 places)
#1 merriest (gained 10 places)
#2 most likely to succeed (gained 5 places)
#3 most artistic (gained 18 places)
#5 most adventurous (gained 9 places)

Sweet Viv in her "Wedding" Dress...

Doesn't she look so precious modeling her dress for our wedding? So delicious, I just want to eat her up!!! What a doll... Love it.

500 Posts & 37 Days...

My 500th post, really? A genuine milestone. I mean, I guess it has been almost 4 years since I started this blog/brain vent (and I have Kimberly to thank for being my inspiration -- she must be so very proud)... My, how time flies...

Wedding Update... 37 days left (deep breaths)... I'm excited and scared and anxious and thrilled, all at the same time!

We got sooooo much done today -- from finishing up registering (The Point, Dement's & Plant the Earth) -- true to form, waiting until the last minute! Also, I have to thank Liz at Plant the Earth for her help and FAB ideas that fit my bohemian tastes! I am so in loooove with what we/she came up with! Having the wedding at home (or actually, at my grandmother's house) and with just family has given us so much freedom to do things EXACTLY the way we want -- from tiramisu to bagpipes! And goodness knows we could not do any of this without my mom & grandmother!!!

We're both gearing up for our bachelor/bachelorette weekends in a couple days -- Jon to the horse races in New Orleans (with a pretty raucous bunch, complete with derby hats & jackets!) and me to Orange Beach with friends. I made them promise that I would not have to wear any penis paraphanelia &/or costumery and I'm holding them to it. Dammit!

So... just over a month. Yay & yikes.

Facebook Compare People Application...

Your [Facebook] friends have voted on your strengths and weaknesses:

STRENGTHS:
best to be stuck in handcuffs with
best shopping companion
most powerful

WEAKNESSES:
most outgoing
best public speaker

***********************

I guess I can live with this (do I really have a choice?). At least it's better than being at the bottom with "best sense of humor" like I have been for months & months & months! Not to mention, when I try to speak in public, my chest tightens up & I can't breathe, so that one is true! But "outgoing" -- am I that bad!?

pretty baby.

So, she may upstage me at the wedding, but I just could not resist this gorgeous silk dress for my niece, little miss Vivien (and no, she is not the baby in that photo)... I did check with her mama before I bought the frock, lest she think it was just too much... The boys have handsome little black suits, so their sister needed a pretty dress as well! And she will be soooo adorable in it...

Not too sure about the bonnet, but it comes with ruffled bloomers! The kicker, the dress style is called the "Vivienne"! Perfecto!

Little Miss Perfect.

Has anyone else been watching this horrifying show "Little Miss Perfect" about child pageantry? These momzillas (and the one "pageant dad") are INTENSE!!! Some of these poor little girls are already visibly fucked-up -- crying in the corner after accidentally coloring outside the lines, dancing like a total stripper, blatant & encouraged OCD behavior, and some with attitudes you wouldn't believe! I mean, there is a swimsuit category, the oft-repeated advice, "put some sass in that frass" (I'm serious), spray tans, flippers (big, white dentures!), a little girl with a python, and of course the ENTIRELY too-excited male host... Insane! I seriously cannot believe I'm watching this! I'm appalled. And now I simply cannot...... look...... away.

Registries...

Why am I putting this on my blog, you ask? Lest you think it's a completely tacky move (believe me, without further explanation, I totally would!), it's really for me & Jon, so we both can keep up with these with just the click of a button -- not a gift solicitation, I promise! We didn't register many places because, let's face it, when you're not having a big blowout wedding, really, should you?

• Pottery Barn Wedding Registry
• Dillards Wedding Registry
• Reflections, Inc. (Meridian, MS)
• Williams-Sonoma Wedding Registry
• Plant the Earth Garden Center
• Dement Printing Co.
• Point Rexall Drugs & Gifts

So, again, please be advised that this is not a solicitation for presents. I repeat, this is NOT a solicitation!!! It's just a personal reference guide for us. Kind of like the Honeymooners entry.

My 3 favorite kids in the whole wide world!!!

Matthew (3.5 yrs.), Vivien (almost 3 mos.) & Thomas (almost 6 yrs.)

Matthew & Thomas have both gotten black suits for our wedding, and Thomas (the oldest) called the other night to tell me how handsome he looked in his and asked me what he would be doing in the wedding. When I told him he would be the ringbearer, he asked what his little brother Matthew would be doing. After some hesitation, I told him I wasn't sure what Matthew would be doing, it sort of depended on his attention span and if there was anything else to do, blah, blah, blah... Well, before I could even finish my explanation, the little shit is maniacally laughing and screaming, "Matthew, you don't get to do anything! Mu-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!!!!"

We don't know HOW the child can be SO much like my grandaddy when he never even met the man, but I am officially giving over the title of "Little Buck" to my much more-deserving nephew, Mr. Thomas Morenzi. The little shit. God, I love him!!!

Honeymooners...

With less than 2 months left until D-Day (i.e. the wedding day), I thought I would post websites for the French Polynesian hotels & resorts where we will be staying for 11-12 honeymoon days -- soooo excited!!!

• Le Méridien Tahiti (Papeete)
• Intercontinental Resort & Spa -- Moorea
• Le Méridien Bora Bora

Overwater bungalows & lazing around on the beach, here we come!!! Woo-hoo! (not that anyone else cares as much as we do, but that's not the point now, is it?)

Found Me a Weddin' Dress...

I know I have been very remiss about documenting the wedding-planning... Why? It's not for lack of excitement, but rather because I pretty much handed over all the little frou-frou details to my mom. Well, not pretty much. Completely. (btw, she's doing a fabulous job!) And true to my nature of waiting until the [almost] last minute, with less that 2 months until the wedding (April 18th), just yesterday, I actually found the greatest & perfect dress -- in just one day -- and was able to buy right off the rack! How lucky was that? Nothing like positive reinforcement for bad behavior!