Thursday, December 28, 2006

Christmas Grinch.

Christmas Grinch. Yep. That was me. Well... sort of.

I'm not quite sure what it was this year, but the merry, merry, merry gleeful giddiness & warm feelings of nostalgia that I exhibit during the Christmas season just never hit me this year (& you can see how pumped-up my mom was by the picture at left!). Don't get me wrong -- I really had a wonderful & undeservedly lovely Christmas, but usually I personally wallow in - nay, relish - the weeks leading up to the holidays, & it just didn't happen to me this year. No substantial tacky Christmas light/display family alcohol-fueled scavenger hunts... no time to do enough of the in-depth shopping & treasure-hunting (mind you, Jon did absolutely woooonderful for me! I'll have to detail that more later!)... no major get-togethers w/ out-of-town friends, no "Emmett Otter's Jugband Christmas" viewing (fear not -- I got in plenty of "Christmas Vacation" & "A Christmas Story", so I'll survive...), no [major] family drama, none of the traditions were there. IT CREPT UP ON ME & I FEEL LIKE I MISSED IT, DAMMIT!

So I'm pissed. Now it will be another year before I get the chance to prove that I am not a total Scrooge and, quite selfishly, to really take advantage of the holidays! I'm mad at myself for letting it get away so quickly this year! Again, dammit.
On a positive note, I got to spend time with my cousin's boys, Thomas (the 3-3/4 year old) and Matthew (the 1-1/2 year old)... It's nice to actually be able to communicate w/ Thomas now on some semblance of a mature level. My sweet baby Matthew (hee, hee...), on the other hand, REFUSES TO BE STILL. Ever. It's not that he's bad at all (see left - I mean, can anything about that sweet thing be bad?), but I can see how he could be utterly exhausting. He's just active at all fucking times. Seriously. All the time. A-L-W-A-Y-S. Luckily, he just casually & cheerfully sort of does his own thing & entertains himself. Mom says he's like I used to be, only he acts happy. Nice. Gotta love a good ol' maternal hit below the belt... Wouldn't be Christmas without one (or ten)!
But seriously, is he not the cutest thing ever? That picture to the right is the expression on his face while watching his brother play with his new train set -- he was just that happy to see his brother happy! I'm sorry, but that is just adorable. You know there really is goodness in people when you see such a precious, kind & pure reaction like that. And who knew I would ever be singing the praises of children? I mean, ME? Let's all give me a hand... ha.
Okay, enough of my rambling about babies. Just watching Catherine take care of them was exhausting to me! So here's a picture of Jon and me late on Christmas Eve (and yes, my face looks as round as a moonpie thanks to a steroid to get rid of a cold mixed w/ a steady holiday diet of sugars, fats, lards, carbs, butter, salt, etc... I'm aware of it. Though my mom has been kind enough to remind me.). Merry Fucking Christmas:
I'll rant & rave & ramble more later... Yeah, no doubt... ;)

Monday, December 25, 2006

The Definition of Santa (from

Santa: The fattest, oldest pimp this side of the north pole.

"Santa has three hoes. Damn that's jolly."

Thursday, December 21, 2006

Mmmmm... strawberries & coke!!!

A little Strawberry Quik in your cocaine, ma'am? Lindsay Lohan, you may be skanky, but I guess at least you're creatively skanky. Whore.
(click on post title for story... graphic from Gallery of the Absurd)

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Fatness and Stuff.

"A passenger waits for a delayed flight at Heathrow airport's terminal four in London August 12, 2006. Dieters may find some welcome assistance from a new nasal spray that could help resist the appetizing aromas of cinnamon bun stands, pizza parlors or tempting bakeries."

That looks just like the outfit I was wearing at the airport the other... hey, wait just a gosh-darn minute! Is that MY fat ass!? No, but seriously, what if that were YOUR fat ass Yahoo! has plastered as their example of the hefty traveller? Ladies & gentlemen, that is proof that you should have to pay more if your ass takes up more than one seat. How would you like to be crammed in next to those saddle bags on a long flight? Don't lie, it would be miserable & you know it.

I guess that sort of stood out to me because I am feeling like a big fat blob with all the munching & eating I've been doing these past couple of weeks (besides the fact that it's hard to look past an ass THAT large). I mean, really blob-ish. Bring out the fat girl clothes because the diet ain't startin' again until after Christmas. I mean, there is really no point in even kidding myself into thinking I might be able to eat better until then, is there?

And on a totally random note, should I be at all concerned that the tv shows I watch late at night seem to air commercials for only a select array of products & services: phone sex/chat lines (now including male-to-male hook-ups), Winsor Pilates (seriously, for how many years can I hear the words, "51-year old Pilates guru Mari Winsor..." -- what, does it keep you from having birthdays, too?), herpes medications, and debt consolidation? I mean, what does that say about my taste in t.v. shows considering the demographic these advertisers are targeting? It's not good, I know that much. [For the sake of my own dignity, I do feel compelled to say that I do not engage in phone chats -- gay or hetero, do not do Pilates, do not have herpes, nor do I need to consolidate any debt, so their money is wasted on me... HA! Does that redeem me enough? No? Eh...]

In more important news, I have sort of taken on a new critter. On several different occasions, I have walked outside onto my front porch only to have something go scampering off into the woods... Well, the other night, we caught sight of each other and, I swear, the reincarnated version of my deceased sweet kitty Diesel was there on my porch! (that's him in the picture to the left there -- HERE is a picture of Diesel) Looks like him, acts like him, everything... So I just could not resist a little bit of spoiling with food, treats & rubs... (I drew the line at letting him come inside -- though he wanted to! -- to keep him from facing an over-excited set of dogs & a very pissed-off cat!)... But is he a cutie or what? We bonded right off the bat -- love, love, love!!!

We all know I can't resist a sweet face or a cute critter... ;)

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Holiday Ho-Hum.

Tonight is our company Christmas party, so there will no doubt be some shenanigans & "goings-on" in store... until then, I really don't have all that much to post as my Christmas spirit has not kicked in yet. I have GOT to go looking at tacky lights or I just cannot seem to get into the requisite festive mood!!!

Until then, here are some pics to tide you over. At least I'm trying to get my critters get into the holiday mood, so that's something, right?
Hope your ho-ho-ho's are burning much brighter than mine right now! (don't worry -- it's nothing that a nice holiday toddy/cocktail won't cure...)

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Where Is My Mind?

Co-Worker: "Oh, that Dr. Kerkor-, er, Kevark, ummm, Kavorki....."
Me: "Kevorkian?"
Co-Worker: "Yeah, that one... He is about to be paroled!!!"
Me: "I thought Dr. Kevorkian died? Oh wait... that was Dr. Atkins... Uh, oops."

Monday, December 11, 2006

The REAL reason Nicole Richie can't gain weight...

(drum roll please.... I said DRUM ROLL, dammit!!!!)

The real reason that Nicole Richie cannot gain weight has now become glaringly obvious: she must be too stupid to eat. (Click the post title for the complete story) I mean, what kind of dumbass comes to a dead stop -- going the wrong way, no less -- in the carpool lane on an L.A. freeway at 1:45 a.m. to talk on her cell phone? Seriously, no matter how fucked-up you are? What an asshat...

My favorite excerpt from the news article is this, which makes me giggle:
"As the Smoking Gun pointed out, Richie's booking sheet from 2003 listed her as being one inch taller and five pounds heavier. In the intervening years, Richie's racial classification also changed. In 2003, she was listed as being white. On Monday, she was noted as being black."
Nicole, just pick a color, any color......... and eat a damn sandwich.

Thursday, December 07, 2006

A Few More 'Nawlins Pics...

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

Long Time, No Blog.

Okay, so it hasn't been that long, but it's been too long nonetheless... Before I launch into anything new, here is one of the pics that I luuuuuuurve taken on Thanksgiving Day (aren't the colors fabulous?) and which I could not get Blogger to upload when I tried before (boooooo!):
Now, I've gotten that out of the way to get on to this... We went to New Orleans this past weekend for the Saints-49ers game and had a BLAST!!! Needless to say, we partook of the general drinking and debauchery that comes along with any [good] trip to the Crescent City... Yes, those are the drunk eyes coming out on my part... pretty much the norm when I drink. And at The Three-Legged Dog, it was a 2-for-1 special, so I was doing some damage to some Abitas!!! Let's say I got just drunk enough that I was entertained by finding interesting graffiti on restroom walls for the rest of the night (don't ask me why, but it made me giggle):
Just for the record, no, it was not a gay bar. But I wouldn't have cared in the least... By the way, take a peek at the top headline in USA Today last weekend (below, taken on our way into New Orleans in Slidell) -- "Crime takes a hold of new New Orleans"... Great timing, huh?Although my parents & others had told me that it was hard to tell that Katrina blew through the French Quarter, I was still so excited to see that it was still the same!!! (Though the spray paint dictating whether dead bodies were inside houses is still an ominous reminder of the destruction as you drive through parts of town)... But it was still NEW ORLEANS and it was still wonderful -- not to mention the Saints won!!! Woo-hoo!!! Can't ask for much more than that in a weekend...

(I'll post more "straggler" pictures later...)

Monday, December 04, 2006

bad blogger.

that's me. i've been neglectful, selfish, and all around inconsiderate of your feelings, ol' blog. tell you what -- if i'm real sorry, and i promise to try hard to remind myself to think about attepting to make sure to do my best to post tomorrow, will you forgive me? pretty please? pretty, pretty please? ;)