Chuck Norris...

These never, ever get old to me. Ever...

• "As a child, and to this day, Chuck Norris enjoys playing 'throw-n-catch' with his old man. Or as we know it, lightning and thunder."
• "The Ebola virus, the deadliest virus known to man, can be found deep in the African rainforest, hiding from Chuck Norris."
• "Chuck Norris once played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded revolver... and WON!"
• "Chuck Norris cannot be toilet paper, because Chuck does not take shit from anyone."
• "When the boogeyman goes to sleep at night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris."
• "If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you."
• "Chuck Norris can eat just one Lay's potato chip."
• "How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? All of it."
• "Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants."
• "Helen Keller's favorite color is Chuck Norris."
• "Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick-related deaths have increased 13,000 percent."
• "Chuck Norris invented a language that incorporates karate and roundhouse kicks. So next time Chuck Norris is kicking your ass, don’t be offended or hurt, he may be just trying to tell you he likes your hat."
• "Chuck Norris's calender goes from march 31st to april 2nd. No one fools Chuck Norris."
• "Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter."
• "Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get-Out-of-Jail-Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades, and a green #4 card from the game UNO."
• "On his birthday, Chuck Norris randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun."
• "In the beginning there was nothing... then Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked that nothing in the face and said, 'Get a job'. That is the story of the universe."
• "There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma."
• "Chuck Norris doesn't believe in Germany."
• "Chuck Norris doesn't stub his toes. He accidentally destroys chairs, bedframes, and sidewalks."
• "The tower in Pisa is leaning because of a roundhouse kick from Chuck Norris."
• "Chuck Norris once went skydiving, but promised never to do it again. One Grand Canyon is enough."
• "Wo hu cang long. The translation from Mandarin Chinese reads: 'Crouching Chuck, Hidden Norris'."
• "Chuck Norris could run for President and win. But Chuck Norris runs for no man."
• "There is endless debate about the existence of the human soul. Well, it does exist, and Chuck Norris finds it delicious."
• "Chuck Norris wears a live rattlesnake as a condom."
• "Chuck Norris shot the sheriff, but he roundhouse-kicked the deputy."