Tuesday, June 27, 2006

The way that I am is not ALL my fault!!!

These are just a few things I have thought about lately that might explain some of the randomness (is that even a word? apparently the answer is YES) that is ME. My family is, to put it kindly, a bit "eccentric" & a bit "quirky" so mine just comes naturally (plus, it gives me something or someone to blame it on!). Still, I love-love-love them & would not trade anything for the way that I grew up or with whom. That being said, life was & always is, ummm, interesting. ;)

Anyway... I tell you that to post about things like this: the Christmas tree on the left, which is at my grandmother's house. Yep, it's up right now. The reason I am posting about it? The poor thing has been up & decorated for about 4 years. Straight. As in, without being taken down. 4 FUCKING YEARS, PEOPLE!!! The reason being that, this way, you don't have to go to the trouble of taking it down & putting it back up every year. It's brilliant, actually. It's an artificial tree in a room we rarely use, & she spends a good bit of her time right next door in a studio apartment above her barn so, really, hardly anyone sees it. [now, before you think we are abusing my grandmother, it is a very nice studio apartment, & she chooses where she stays & when... ]

Of course, I cannot say too much. Remember my Christmas tree that I didn't throw out b/c I was going to have my dad throw it in the lake for the fish to use as a nesting spot? You know where it is? Still sitting in my backyard (pushed up against the fence, yes, but still there nonetheless). 6 months after Christmas. Pitiful. I swear I'm not white-trash or anything, it's that damn genetic "trickle-down effect" of my grandmother not taking her tree down!!! Like the subject line says, it's "not ALL my fault!!!"

Speaking of Christmas, there was also that one year when my grandfather was really sick & we were kind of down about it... so instead of my dad making his traditional Christmas Eve gumbo, we had Taco Bell for dinner. Yes, you read me correctly. Taco Bell. My cousin & I were dispatched to go & retrieve said food -- and from the "too-much-information" files, also pick up an enema at the drugstore. Come on, sing it with me: "One of these things is not like the other one..." Somewhere, I have a lovely picture of my mom holding a tray of tacos & sauce (all still in their colorful Taco Hell wrappers, of course), "showing off" our nice meal -- complete with lettuce & parsley for garnishment. That moment was just too classic not to snap a picture for all eternity to remember (no picture of the enema, thank God)!!! I could just kick myself for not having that picture saved on my computer...

And let's not forget the time that my grandmother drove her golfcart INTO THE LAKE -- with both her & her dog on it!!! She wasn't paying attention because (drum roll, please)........ she was reading the paper. READING THE FREAKING PAPER. What the hell? We're not talking about a lake on a golf course here either, but rather, the lake at home. Who reads the paper while driving their golfcart? Well... I'll tell you who -- my grandmother.

Then there was the time when my mom came home late one night from the casino & drove her car INTO the house -- to the tune of about $8,000 damage to the car & $10,000 to the house (AND she lost @ the casino!). Sadly, there was absolutely no drinking involved to blame it on. While she managed to escape unscathed from the impact, she went on to hurt herself AFTER she got out of the car & tripped over one of the stray bricks she had knocked off of the house!!! It takes real talent, I tell you. She later tried to make my dad go out to check & make sure that the brake pedal was still there -- like it just fell off or something.

You know, I could on & on & on with stories like this, but I am almost afraid I might crack too many skeletons in the family closet!!! Some of those bones have got to be getting brittle by now... However, I'm sure some of them will trickle out over time. Plus, I suspect many of you out there (most of whom do NOT comment, by the way -- ahem!) have your own "quirky" family stories or traditions.

But you see? It's not ALL my fault!!!


Blogger Silent One said...

Oh My Gooooodness!!! Where to start... First thought... isn't the tree dusty?? LMAO
This whole post had me in stitches!

what a family!!! cool beans girl

10:47 PM  
Blogger *the queen* said...

Oh, there are soooo many more stories where those came from!!! Why do I embarrass myself ON PURPOSE like this? Who knows...

The tree doesn't get dusty -- I guess they actually do "tend" to it and keep it clean... Did you notice the fake presents under it? Nice touch, eh?

Ha, ha, ha!!!

10:51 AM  
Blogger Mother Goose said...

My mom's friend Addie Hamm does the SAME THING, except I guarantee that hers is 1.7 million times tackier. However, she attached rollers to the base of the tree and rolls it up into a closet for the off-season. SOLUTION!

Loved it.

9:11 PM  

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