Elvis Babies & Drunk Whores.

I'm gonna just skip over the Suri Cruise hoop-la, except to say this: first, you procreate an alien who looks like a cross between the Prime Minister of Japan and an Asian Elvis impersonator, then you withhold sightings of it (a common theme with aliens & Elvis, as we all know) until America almost explodes from sheer curiosity, then BAM! We are all inundated with pictures of your child & finace' trying to look happy. It's all probably some Scientology exercise in brainwashing or something. I lost interest long ago. And, yes, I am a really mean bitch for making fun of a baby -- especially one that already will be totally fucked-up by Tom Cruise, but give me a break. The kid will probably grow up to be gorgeous. Until then, though, they need to take that baby toupee' off.
But this... this, my friends, is just too funny not to laugh at, despite the story being plastered everywhere. Fit & fits of knee-slapping, gut-wrenching, vomit-inducing laughter:
The poor little skank just (sob) wanted (sob) a burger (sob). This line from Paris herself is just brilliant: "Everything I do is blown out of proportion," said Hilton, not known for shying away from publicity. "It really hurts my feelings."

Oh my heavens. YOU ARE A PUBLICITY WHORE. THAT'S WHAT YOU DO. Fucking come on!!! Does anyone else know what this bitch does to make all this money that she repeatedly says she works so hard for? I know it's not from the sex tapes or, God help us all, her music career. It couldn't have been that she had a lot of cash to work with in the first place, could it? Nooooo, she's a self-made heiress, right? That's not a contradictory statement in any way, I promise (ha). Now she can be famous for getting a DUI, too. Well done!

And finally, a big thank you to Memphis Steve for THIS, which made me giggle & brought a nice little bright spot of sarcasm & cynicism (2 of my favorite things) to my day! Gotta give a shout-out when a shout-out is due...