Some Shit (literally).

It is finally Friday. It's been one of those weeks (you know, like it always is, because I am a complete & total cynic). Sadly enough, I did not even realize that Labor Day was on Monday until someone said something about us having a "long weekend". I was like.... wha? Oooooh, yeah, that's right. No complaints here... I swear, I could spend the entire weekend with a couple of bottles of wine and my ever-so-comfortable bed and be happy as a fucking clam. Or even happy as a clam fucking. Although I'm not all that well-schooled on the reproductive activities of mollusks. But anyway, here are a few goodies:

• The Excremental Suri -- Ew. Okay, this is just freaking gross... not that I would expect any less from Tom Cruise, but the article goes on to say, "Babies mostly breast-feed for the first four months, so a baby's first meal of solid food may be a baby's first meal at the dinner table," said David Kesting, director of Capla Kesting Fine Art, located in Brooklyn's Williamsburg gallery district. "A bronzed cast of baby's first poop can be a meaningful memento for the family." Okay, ummm, not only no, but heeeeeell NO. Who wants a bronzed piece of shit on their mantle? Please...
• Football's Matt Leinart to Be a Father -- I have 2 questions about this: 1.) Were these two even dating, or just fucking? Because I seem to read about him with a different slut every week... and 2.) Will this affect his QB skills? I really need to know in order to strategize for my Fantasy Football League.
• Was Angelina Jolie Drunk At Maddox's Birthday Party? Oh, who cares. You know, if I had 3 children under the age of 5 years old (or even just one, for that matter), I would be drunk at a lot more things than just a birthday party!!! Come on...