You Had Me at Hello. And I Immediately Proposed & Impregnated You.

By now I am sure most of you have heard the disturbing news that that kooky couple we all know as "TomKat" is with child.

• My first thought is, "Ew."
• My second thought is taken as a direct quote from my friend Molly (and while I wish I could take credit myself, this one is all hers): "This is just sickening. They have probably implanted her with L. Ron Hubbard's seed."

I love how his sister/publicist says everyone is "so happy", yet no one mentions her parents, who I can only imagine are anything BUT happy!!! I mean, their daughter is now knocked up by what amounts to a way-past-his-prime actor who is flailing himself on couches proclaiming his love while even Oprah -- even Oprah, people! -- gapes in utter disbelief... All of this before getting married, yet after years of proclaiming that she would remain a virgin until she was married -- and I know accidents happen, don't get me wrong... but don't flaunt it just because your "man"-friend was stung in the past by reports that he was a.) gay and b.) deficient in the sperm count department!!!

He's even convinced her to change her name to "Kate" to make her sound more mature (crazy idea: why doesn't he just find someone his own age if this is an issue?)... [And while we're on the age issue, I've included a simple & handy chart at the bottom of the post for your convenience...] Since the Catholic church tends to frown on premarital sex, out-of-wedlock children, serial "divorcers" like Tom Cruise, etc. -- and Katie was raised Catholic but appears not to heed its teachings too strictly -- I guess it's a good thing that the Church of Scientology has no morals. (Oh yeah, I said it. Take THAT, Demi, Ashton, Madonna, Britney, etc.)


In other celebrity-related dirt or if you just want to giggle a bit, please read Jason Mulgrew's open letter to Lindsay Lohan...