Leave All the Baby Work to Everyone Else.

Look! I'm holding a child and it's not crying!!! Can you fathom it? Usually all that they have to do is look at me and the tears start aflowin'... or at least, that's how it used to be. Probably because children themselves (nay, the mere thought of them) scared the ever-living shit out of me!!! Let's just say that I was never the "babysitter" type. But now that my cousin has kids, she lets me mess with them and knows they don't break that easily, so I'm much more comfortable around the little shits. Funny how that works, huh?

But come on, just look at that sweet thing!!! See, this is my way of having children "by proxy" (i.e. letting someone else do all the work). I highly recommend it... Speaking of babies & kids, I have 2 good friends from college who are due to pop at any moment -- updates arriving steadily by e-mail... It's weird to realize we are old enough to have & take care of little ones. Maybe I refuse to believe I am as old as I am. No, that's not it... I think it's just because I think of my friends & remember the nights out drinking, doing stupid things, being kids together, acting like idiots, etc., and it makes it hard to fathom us being parents ourselves... but I know they will make absolutely fab-o-lous mommies & can't wait to see the miniature versions of them!!!

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Anyway... I have so many random & silly tidbits that I like to include, so I'm just gonna start doing bulleted lists on a fairly regular basis to post links & stories & stuff (like I've been doing already, basically)... That way, I can at least keep the "going off on tangents" and "expounding" on these jewels to a minimum. So, here goes:

• And to think, MY high school teacher only bought us liquor and pot. [Okay, so maybe not...]
• FINALLY!!! A place for people like me... ha, ha, ha!!!
• Caution: Entering Bird Dropping Area
• I can't help it -- it's always jolly good fun to laugh at Tom Cruise. He literally oozes insult-worthy material...
• Kurt Cobain action figure
• "Oh, waiter! There's a PENIS on my plate. Just what I ordered... yummy!!!"
• New fodder for my assaults -- Lindsay Lohan. What a little skank. You know, she might like that penis entree -- I mean, come on, she looks like she needs to eat something. [I almost hate to mention her in the same post as my cousin's kids, as the mere mention of her name might forever taint them...]