Dogs & Frogs...

My little stank-faced Ewok, Mattie... Ummm, you think she needs a bath? Nah... And, Jon, NO MAKING FUN OF THE LAZY EYE!!! Have you ever thought about what it would be like to lick your own nose? I dare say Winston has never pondered the issue, but he sure as hell does it (I'm sure it tastes about as good as Jon's shoes, which have become a favorite item to carry off & gnaw on). As JP said, "Winston, if you weren't so damn cute..." Yeah, he's a little shit. But he's MY little shit & I love him...
With the warm (read: HOT AS FUCK) weather, a new critter has been taking over my yard -- THE TOAD(s). Winston & Mattie keep chasing them & I'm just waiting for one of the toads to take a piss in their mouth so they can learn their lesson the hard way. Mu-ha-ha-ha!!!!

~Cross My Heart~

I absolutely fell in love with this picture... It was taken on the mission trip in Belize (However, I cannot take credit for it, as it was taken by Rick Courtney -- gotta give credit where credit is due, right?).

There is also a great slideshow of the mission itself HERE -- have a look-see!!!

The way that I am is not ALL my fault!!!

These are just a few things I have thought about lately that might explain some of the randomness (is that even a word? apparently the answer is YES) that is ME. My family is, to put it kindly, a bit "eccentric" & a bit "quirky" so mine just comes naturally (plus, it gives me something or someone to blame it on!). Still, I love-love-love them & would not trade anything for the way that I grew up or with whom. That being said, life was & always is, ummm, interesting. ;)

Anyway... I tell you that to post about things like this: the Christmas tree on the left, which is at my grandmother's house. Yep, it's up right now. The reason I am posting about it? The poor thing has been up & decorated for about 4 years. Straight. As in, without being taken down. 4 FUCKING YEARS, PEOPLE!!! The reason being that, this way, you don't have to go to the trouble of taking it down & putting it back up every year. It's brilliant, actually. It's an artificial tree in a room we rarely use, & she spends a good bit of her time right next door in a studio apartment above her barn so, really, hardly anyone sees it. [now, before you think we are abusing my grandmother, it is a very nice studio apartment, & she chooses where she stays & when... ]

Of course, I cannot say too much. Remember my Christmas tree that I didn't throw out b/c I was going to have my dad throw it in the lake for the fish to use as a nesting spot? You know where it is? Still sitting in my backyard (pushed up against the fence, yes, but still there nonetheless). 6 months after Christmas. Pitiful. I swear I'm not white-trash or anything, it's that damn genetic "trickle-down effect" of my grandmother not taking her tree down!!! Like the subject line says, it's "not ALL my fault!!!"

Speaking of Christmas, there was also that one year when my grandfather was really sick & we were kind of down about it... so instead of my dad making his traditional Christmas Eve gumbo, we had Taco Bell for dinner. Yes, you read me correctly. Taco Bell. My cousin & I were dispatched to go & retrieve said food -- and from the "too-much-information" files, also pick up an enema at the drugstore. Come on, sing it with me: "One of these things is not like the other one..." Somewhere, I have a lovely picture of my mom holding a tray of tacos & sauce (all still in their colorful Taco Hell wrappers, of course), "showing off" our nice meal -- complete with lettuce & parsley for garnishment. That moment was just too classic not to snap a picture for all eternity to remember (no picture of the enema, thank God)!!! I could just kick myself for not having that picture saved on my computer...

And let's not forget the time that my grandmother drove her golfcart INTO THE LAKE -- with both her & her dog on it!!! She wasn't paying attention because (drum roll, please)........ she was reading the paper. READING THE FREAKING PAPER. What the hell? We're not talking about a lake on a golf course here either, but rather, the lake at home. Who reads the paper while driving their golfcart? Well... I'll tell you who -- my grandmother.

Then there was the time when my mom came home late one night from the casino & drove her car INTO the house -- to the tune of about $8,000 damage to the car & $10,000 to the house (AND she lost @ the casino!). Sadly, there was absolutely no drinking involved to blame it on. While she managed to escape unscathed from the impact, she went on to hurt herself AFTER she got out of the car & tripped over one of the stray bricks she had knocked off of the house!!! It takes real talent, I tell you. She later tried to make my dad go out to check & make sure that the brake pedal was still there -- like it just fell off or something.

You know, I could on & on & on with stories like this, but I am almost afraid I might crack too many skeletons in the family closet!!! Some of those bones have got to be getting brittle by now... However, I'm sure some of them will trickle out over time. Plus, I suspect many of you out there (most of whom do NOT comment, by the way -- ahem!) have your own "quirky" family stories or traditions.

But you see? It's not ALL my fault!!!

The Long & Short of It...

Another weekend has come & gone -- too short, as always. Then again, have I ever complained about a weekend being too long!? It just doesn't happen...

Last night I tried to help Jon out on a drawing he was doing for a t-shirt design (oh, who am I kidding -- I just wanted to color & soothe the OCD demons, & he needed someone to color), but I was interrupted when a fluffy black & white pussy decided to plop down on the drawing while I was working on it. Of course, she was forgiven... as my little bitchy princess, she always is.
We did actually get a tad bit of rain this past weekend -- finally. Seriously, my yard sounds like a box of Rice Krispies when you walk on it. It's really more like I'm cultivating HAY rather than GRASS. But, on the bright side, with the rain came this oh-so-pretty rainbow seen to the left. What I really found funny (though it doesn't show up as well in the picture) is that LOWE'S was at the end of the rainbow. I had to send this one to my dad as that place IS his pot 'o gold:
I know my "frog chronicles" are a major source of excitement (ha!) and, lucky for you, I got the chance to blind yet another frog with my camera flash last night. Hey, it's the price they must pay for hanging out (literally, on every freaking outside surface) at & on my house! But rest assured, no animals were or ever are harmed during these photo sessions. ;)

Wow... Is this post boring or what? Good Lord... my apologies. Although, I must admit, sometimes boring & mellow is better than having too much drama & excitement to write about, huh?

Feng Shui for the Blog.

I'm having a bit of a "blog identity-crisis" in striving for that perfect homeostasis of random & funny shit (at least to me) with random & boring shit about my extravagantly extraordinary lifestyle [sigh]. Admittedly exaggerrated at times & uderstated at others (trust me, this is a good thing). I mean, come on, we all know the mantra (say it with me, and please feel free to insert my name in place of "Me"), "It's All About Me."

***Never fear, even if the blog post is something totally different, I still realize that it is all about me!!! Hee, hee...***

But sometimes it's hard to pass up some of the goodies that I come across online, those wacky celebrity antics (ha!), the oft-times irrelevant &/or off-color stories & thoughts that pop into my head, or the ranting, raving & venting outlet this silly little blog provides!!! I mean, who wants to read about me all the time, right? (don't worry, I know everyone secretly really does) And why I feel the need to explain or justify this, I have no idea... but, I will anyway:

If my posts seem random... well, it's probably because they are. Sometimes I talk about me & likely bore anyone who reads this here blog to wailing & uncontrollable tears, & sometimes I just take the opportunity to laugh at the expense of others. Random -- that's my version of blog feng shui. It's a nice little balance we've got 'round here, if I do say so myself. Mighty fine.

Friday, Viernes, Freitag, Venerdi, Shukravar, Vrijdag, Pátek, Vendredi, Frī'dē-dā'...

Let's see, I've made it to see yet another Friday -- can't complain about that as the alternative is much worse...

• Current Mood: Ambivalent. What else can I say?
• Current Mood of Co-Workers: 1 is crabby as hell, 1 is irritated by the other's crabbiness (and quite understandably so).
• Current Nail Color: Clear Glitter
• Current Read: A Million Little Pieces by James Frey (in your face, OPRAH!!!)...
• Current Song on Repeat in My Car: "Cocaine Blues" by Joaquin Phoenix
• Current Song on the Radio @ Work: "Pour Some Sugar on Me" by Def Leppard (Lord help us...)
• Current Weekend Plans: 3 hours until time to DRINK.

The aforementioned "crabby" co-worker inspired me to change my profile pic on Yahoo Messenger to the cat shown to the right, which then led Jon to write me and say, "What's the hissing pussy for?" Oh, if only he were here, he'd understand. Enough with the fucking pissy-ass mood already!!! No need to spread your damn unhappiness to all those around you.

We set a record high temperature here in my hometown yesterday -- 101°F, beating the previous record high of 100°F set in 1930. I was driving home from work at 6 p.m. last night and my car showed the outside temp was still 100 degrees (you can only imagine what the heat index, or "real feel", was)!!! And someone just told me that the temperature guage on their car currently reads 104°F today. Needless to say, it's hot as fuck. And that, my friends, is HOT. I think we're in for a real scorcher this summer. Great... As the resident wicked witch, I'm in danger of melting, and it's not from being doused in water...

I have not been chronicling the medical situation that has been afflicting my dad's African Grey parrot, Jemima -- but, this was for obvious reasons as her butt was bleeding, and who wants that being discussed? I mean, she's a very private bird. So anyway... my dad took her down to a specialist at LSU last week & they did a biopsy on her sphincter, for lack of a better word. But good news -- we found out today that her butthole is not cancerous, so it looks like I still might have the chance to inherit the damn bird since their life span is over 40 years in captivity. Woo-hoo!!! Have I mentioned that she despises me? And that the feeling is mutual?

THIS shows such tremendous & selfless dedication, a real martyr:

Saddam Ends Hunger Strike After Missing One Meal: BAGHDAD (Reuters) - Saddam Hussein ended a brief hunger strike after missing just one meal in his U.S.-run prison, a U.S. military spokesman said Friday.

ION... Praise the Lord, the Coreys are back!!! And ever-so-creatively, they are calling their new show "The Coreys". Rock the fuck on, man!!! I love this quote from the Yahoo! article: "The Coreys' would find the Coreys playing fictionalized versions of themselves, presumably because it would be funnier and less sad that way." Now I'm just waiting for another "Saved By the Bell" reunion & I'll be a happy little chickadee... ha, ha, ha!!!

First Day of Summer!!!

Happy Summer Solstice, from my humble abode/yard to yours...

Blah, blah, blah... with nothing really to say.

I heard a joke last weekend that made me giggle (and since I am terrible about remembering jokes, I admit that I am paraphrasing): Women say they want a "little romance"... Men think that means to send over a dwarf with flowers.

Jon & I went down to the beach for a weekend, which was nice... Although I've been lucky enough to have been making a lot of little trips in the past few months, none of them have really been with Jon, so that was nice... We did continue to learn a valuable lesson, though: just because you did not sunburn or peel when you were a kid, despite playing outside all day long, does NOT mean that you won't burn or peel now. Hell, I guess even our skin is old & tired, too.

Unfortunately, I had to come back to work (and the 105 degree heat index in my hometown) on Monday while JP stayed down on the coast for a couple of vacation days he needed to take. Oh, and to get drunk as hell and keep me up on the phone for half the night for reasons still not fully known, but nonetheless forgiven. ;)
I am actually looking forward to NOT having to go anywhere this weekend -- it will be the first in a long time and, while I would not trade any of the trips I've taken lately, sometimes it's just nice to sit at home with the pets, in my own house, with my own stuff, and sleep in my own bed. I'm most definitely a time-to-myself kind of person. As in, I need it. And it's a bit harder to get on your own nerves (though not completely impossible!)...

Not sure how much I have elaborated on this blog about my penchant for QUOTES -- I have handwritten books & books & books of them that I have collected over the years. Some are famous quotes, some obscure, some from friends & family, some from movies & books, the list goes on and on... but I thought it was high time I included one in a post:

"What all the ads and whoreoscopes seemed to imply was that if only you were narcissistic enough, if only you took proper care of your smells, your hair, your boobs, your eyelashes, your armpits, your crotch, your stars, your scars, and your choice of Scotch in bars -- you would meet a beautiful, powerful, potent, and rich man who would satisfy every longing, fill every hole, make your heart skip a beat (or stand still), make you misty, and fly you to the moon (preferably on gossamer wings), where you would live totally satisfied forever." ~Erica Jong, 'Fear of Flying'

More Belize Pictures...

Can I be back here instead of at work? Pretty please?

Belize This...

I got back from Belize Tuesday night -- had a most lovely, hilarious, mah-velous, smashing time!!! The spirituality, the location, the people, the comaraderie, the friendships, the food, the drinks, the animals, the fastastically crystal blue & seafoam green water, the cool breeze, the sun, and the moon... it all melded together to make for a wonderful, wonderful trip... if only I could be back there right now!!!

The group I met up with had been doing mission work (which you can see more of HERE), which included my dad. Lucky me to be able to go down there as a Father's Day present b/c it was really a treat for me, too!!! (yes, I did get him something else -- I'm no ungrateful daughter, & I loooove my daddy!)

Oh, I got called a "fucking bitch" by a 4-year old Belizean kid. That's always a nice accomplishment to brag about. And I wasn't even the one who was haggling w/ them about the overpriced necklaces they were trying to sell to my friend, Christi!!! The little piss-ants (or, as my grandmother would say, "piss-AINTS") of various ages ranging from about 4-10 years old, were mad after she [quite bitchily] showed them where she bought a similar one for far less. They started spitting out words that little kids that age should not know -- that even I did not know at that age, & that's saying something! Christi was the one who was really egging them on, as we were walking behind them on the beach en route to a bar, of course -- nice. All I said to one of them -- after hearing a torrent of obscenities already -- was, "You're an angry little shit, aren't you?" to which he responded, "fucking bitch" (or more like, "fuck-ing bee-tch"). See? Obviously, he was an angry little shit! My dad walked up later, put his arm around me, chuckled, & said, "Do you feel better now that you got to curse a little kid?" Yes, yes I did.

Christi, on the other hand (who barely weighs 110 lbs. soaking wet), was nearly chasing them down yelling, "Where do you live? Does your momma know you say words like that!?" all the while mumbling, "Little fuckers!" Lest anyone think we're that terrible, we were all laughing, so it's not like we were abusing little kids or anything. But those were some little shits, for sure... I later met a group of adorable kids in town & played with them & their dogs -- my favorite little girl even gave me a necklace she made & my heart melted...

Okay, I have a million pictures that I wanted to include in this post & Blogger is revolting on me AGAIN. I mean, WTF!? I think I only have, like, a 1 in 25,499 shot of the pic uploading whenever I try, & now I'm frustrated so fuck it. But I will include them later, I promise.

On a slight side note that I just couldn't resist, is it me, or is Sean Preston Federline Spears (or whatever-the-hell that child's surname is) making the Star Trek Vulcan salute with an evil little sneer on his face in this picture? It's a damn good thing I'm not a Trekkie, because my fingers won't do that. :)

Welcome Home, Little Buddy!!!

It's been awhile, but I had a frog in my Christmas cactus last night after a long leave of absence... Ahhhh, seems like old times...

Just Stuff.

I could take or leave Brad Pitt at this point, but I love me some Angelina Jolie -- always have (ever since I saw her in the HBO movie Gia). Some entertainment show last night was talking about this picture & how Angelina is looking at Brad with such loooove, but you know what I see? A female praying mantis ready to eat her mate because he is of no use to her anymore.

Which brings me back to a point I made earlier in another post -- has ANYONE laid eyes on the reported baby, Suri Cruise? I'm serious, DOES this child exist? Or was she just more MI:3 and Scientology publicity? Speaking of Scientology, look at this ridiculousness: Church of Scientology buying NASCAR sponsorship. Okay, whoever is the L. Ron Hubbard-worshipping guru behind this brilliant marketing decision has no idea what NASCAR fans are really like, do they? Fucking hilarious.

ION... I leave before the ass-crack of dawn tomorrow to catch my flight to Belize -- yea!!! As if I really deserve another vacation, right? I don't, but life is too short to pass up a chance like this. But, just as luck would have it, here is the forecast for Belize City (I will be on an island that is a 15 min. plane ride from here, so maybe the rain there will be more like "beach rain" -- i.e. short & scattered, if at all):
Uncanny, no? Oh well... at least I will be AWAY, gone, relaxing... drink in hand, of course. Plus, I seriously doubt it will rain that much -- there is always the chance since it is the start of the rainy season, but then again, we are talking about a country full of rainforests!!! I'm going to have fun no matter what, dammit. ;)

Is it a Rat?

So this is what happens when the whirlwind that is my mother shows up on her way out of town & suddenly has to run back home to get something. I end up with the family dog (if you can call him a dog -- he weighs less than 4 lbs.), Julio, sitting on my desk at work... whimpering for her to come back & rescue him, for God's sake, as if he is just so abused. He loves me & all, but if my mom leaves, he absolutely fucking panics. Then again, what can you expect from a dog who spends a majority of his time curled up in a fuzzy leopard-print slipper in her closet -- BY CHOICE? After all, he did spend the first month of his life w/ us in a velvet evening bag slung over my mom's shoulder (so she could take him to work w/ her b/c he was too small to be left alone... seriously). It's pitiful, I tell you, pit-i-ful.

Oh, and by the way, I find it important for my family's integrity to say that we acquired this little chihuahua loooong before Paris Hilton & Britney Spears started accessorizing with them, okay? Okay. Duly noted.

Scattered, Covered & Smothered...

I was looking up something on UrbanDictionary.com, and don't ask me how, but I came across this. Too funny not to post...
(click on the image to make it larger if you cannot read it)

If It's Not One Thing, It's Your Mother...

My morning started out just dandy (out of the way, lest you be drenched in my dripping sarcasm)... My mom (the other drama queen in the family)called my cell phone at work, crying, telling me she had left her purse in a cart in the Wal-Mart parking lot -- jewelry, cash, credit cards, her "whole life!" I told her that I was on another call & would have to call her right back so she snaps something bitchy & hangs up. Note: This seems to be a weekly thing now for HER to call ME & end up hanging up on me for one reason or another. [I love, love, love my mom, but we can have a very feisty relationship, especially if we are both stressed -- & let me tell you, we were both stressed!!!] Short story long, my dad left the country on a mission trip & I can't get in touch w/ him to tell him that the credit cards he took probably won't work b/c I'm going to have to cancel them, she can't even remember which credit cards she had in her wallet, the cash he gave her while he is away is now all gone, etc. And then all of a sudden, out of my hand, my cell phone goes hurling across the room (i.e. my office) in a fit of rage & frustration (thankfully I had only gotten the "free upgrade" phone, so who really cares, right?). The consummate professional, I am...

Now, for the rest of the story... It's true, y'all -- there ARE actually good & honest people left in this world!!! After about 20 minutes, the phone rings & this sweet little lady is on the other end saying she has my mom's purse... I scream out, "Thank God!", tell her we'll give her a reward & promptly call my mom, who had, at this point, calmed down & tells me that she just finished saying a prayer about it. See? God listens!!! (And also keeps us from killing one another like rabid dogs!)

After the purse was back & all appeared to be in good order w/ nothing missing, I tell my mom that my bottom teeth hurt from how hard I gritted them when I chunked my phone at the poor office fridge, & she said, "Hmph, it's really hard for me to feel sorry for you about that." My retort was almost, "Well, it's kind of hard for me to feel sorry for you losing your purse by being plain careless." But I didn't. Because I never make mistakes -- ha! Seriously, though, she's my mom & even though we give each other a [really] hard time, I still love her to bits. So instead I just said, "Okay, you got your purse back, now go home."

Ach -- Eeee -- Double Hockey Sticks

Okay, really hasn't the real 666 date passed? I mean, wouldn't it have been June 6th in the year of 6 A.D.? Such a fuss over nothing... But nonetheless, the obligatory post about it:

• Hell, Mich., heats up for 6-6-6 party -- HELL, Mich. - They're planning a hot time in Hell on Tuesday. The day bears the date of 6-6-06, or abbreviated as 666 — a number that carries hellish significance... Nobody is more fired up than John Colone, the town's self-styled mayor and owner of a souvenir shop... "I've got `666' T-shirts and mugs. I'm only ordering 666 (of the items) so once they're gone, that's it," said Colone, also known as Odum Plenty. "Everyone who comes will get a letter of authenticity saying you've celebrated June 6, 2006, in Hell." [Apparently, sometimes Hell really does freeze over. You know, I sure would hate to be the guy who is profiting from the 6-6-6 date. And how would you like to be known as "Odum Plenty"? Isn't that kind of like "Seymore Butts"? Nice...]
• 666 woman's car-free birthday -- A woman born weighing 6lbs 6oz on 6 June at 0600 BST and is 66 on Tuesday on 6/6/6, is refusing to drive on her birthday to help avoid accidents. [Not that I'm superstitious, but has anyone ever wondered if the devil is actually a female living in Great Britain?]
• Tomorrow is 6-6-6. Scared? -- There's a devilishly odd nexus of theology, mathematics and commercialism on the sixth day of the sixth month of the sixth year. OK, it's just the sixth year of this millennium, but insisting on calling it 2006 takes the devil-may-care fun out of calendar-gazing. [I'm not particularly excited about the whole 3 sixes thing (go here to give your opinion on the matter), but I don't think it has any deeper meaning like the Apocolypse. Please... Do we not have better things to worry about, like when my hometown will finally get a freaking Starbucks?]
• Bedeviled by 6/6/6? Tomorrow will tell -- Enjoy your Monday. Because tomorrow, the world could end. [We're all gonna die, we're all gonna die!!! Aaaaaargh!!! Something else to freak us the fuck out!!!!!]
• 6-6-6: A devil of a day ahead? Attention shoppers: Armageddon, tomorrow's special, can be found on aisle three in the book section. Or at the multiplex. Or coming soon to an arena near you. Or on the Internet. [Ha, ha, ha! The joke's really on us, huh?]
• Lioness in zoo kills man who invoked God -- KIEV (Reuters) - A man shouting that God would keep him safe was mauled to death by a lioness in Kiev zoo after he crept into the animal's enclosure, a zoo official said on Monday... "The man shouted 'God will save me, if he exists', lowered himself by a rope into the enclosure, took his shoes off and went up to the lions," the official said... "A lioness went straight for him, knocked him down and severed his carotid artery." [I just threw this one in for good measure b/c it's so ridiculous. What a dumbass. See what questioning if God really exists gets you? Thank heavens I don't need a lion to fail to maul me to death to know that God does exist...]

Me vs. Blogger

I would LOVE to punch the ever-living shit out of someone at Blogspot right now because, after trying Friday, over the weekend, and all day today, I just now got this fucking picture of Ambergris Caye in Belize to post. I would have posted in the actual post, but the Blogger gods nixed that idea. So here it is anyway... I was determined, dammit! On a lighter note, isn't it pretty??? ;)

Friday. And Stuff.

I think I say this every single week, but finally it's Friday!!! Tomorrow night, JP & I are heading up to the Silver Star Casino (or "The TeePee", as my dad has dubbed it since it is owned by the Choctaw Indians) to see Ron White, a.k.a. "Tater Salad". I saw him about a year & a half ago up there & I laughed my ass off -- can't wait!!!

Oh, and another last minute update -- I'm going down to Belize (Ambergris Caye) a week from tomorrow & staying HERE!!! My dad & a hi-larious group from our church will be doing mission work down there, & since I couldn't leave & go with them for the first part (work commitments), I decided to bite the bullet & book the ticket to meet up with them for a little while! That place is beautiful, & I haven't been since my parents took me after college graduation in 1999 (oh, that sounds scary -- 7 years ago!)... I'd post a great picture I have, but Blogger is not cooperating. Oh well, maybe later.

When I got home from Prague, Jon had a gorgeous PURPLE petunia with sage in it hanging on my back porch as a little "Welcome Home" present. Of course, somehow I have managed to almost kill it. However... the other day, I went to go pull some pine straw out of it & noticed said straw was rather meticulously placed -- turns out I had a bird's nest in my plant!!! Since watering the poor plant obviously wasn't keeping it alive, I was gonna set it out to give it some sun today, only to discover that there was not supposed to be sun today (there was). When I took it down, though, I noticed 4 little eggs in the nest. It's a little House Wren (I scared her to death on accident the other day & she flew into my glass porch door, but she was okay -- thought I was gonna have to raise some orphan birds there for sec, though! Anyone know where I can find a good incubator?), & I just can't bring myself to mess it up until her babies are hatched, raised, & have flown away. I'm just gonna have to give it some sun tomorrow & hope the momma bird doesn't "fly the coop" because of all of my meddling!!!

[It reminds me of being little & finding wren nests in my grandmother's ferns & always being afraid that the little bird staring me back in the face was gonna shoot out & poke me in the eyes!!! I've said it before and I'll say it again, I was a weird kid.]

Okay, enough of my incessant rambling (I know what you're thinking -- it's never enough, right!?)... Everyone have a really nice weekend... I know I'm gonna do my dead-level best!!! I just read that Matthew McConaughey is yet a single man again. I'm on it!!!

Not in MY workplace!!!

As someone whose family has been in the car business my entire life, this is totally offensive!!! Quite funny, but offensive to the industry -- hee, hee... One website says this when talking about Kevin Federline's interview in Item magazine and the pictures that go along with it: "He went from carjacker to car salesman." We try to clean up the trash around here, not hire it.

Yet another site stated that his pic looks like he's in the JCPenney catalog. Now that's funny. And he's gross.