Late Start.

I am now on Day #3 of attempting to get off of my arse and meet up with Jon to get a Christmas tree. Even worse, the place we are getting it from is ON MY WAY HOME FROM WORK and they will DELIVER. All we have to do it go point to a tree and cough up some cash, yet we still have failed miserably to do so. I'm so disappointed in myself -- usually I have a tree up before the Thanksgiving dishes even make their way to the dishwasher (oh, who am I kidding -- this is the 1st year I've actually had Thanksgiving at my house, and usually I do a fake tree so all I have to do is pull it out of the attic, lights still wrapped on it, but still)... So today we have a lunch date with a Christmas tree. And I WILL be in full decorating mode tonight, dammit!!! Of course, that will involve a little bit of drinking, too -- you know, to get in the Christmas spirit. Perhaps a little egg nog and moonshine? (that's my dad's favorite seasonal toddy)

Step-Ins & Beer.

I'm stuck in recovery mode (along w/ Jon's keys, which are still AWOL) from this past weekend. Whew! The consumption of alcohol was gi-normous. It all started on Friday night with the "lingerie shower" of that limber bitch shown @ left, my friend Molly (yes, that IS her leg in front of her -- don't ask) & the inevitable visit to the bar immediately following. Let me stress the fact that I said beforehand that not only would I not drink much, but I also would not stay out late as we had a lot of drinking planned for the next day as well (but I'll get to that later)... However, it wasn't long before we all had "blow job" shots sitting in front of us, & we were giddy & laughing & being our regular poorly-behaved selves & not even thinking about going home. You can see the aftermath of the BJ shots here:

Okay, so on to the Egg Bowl beginning at 1:30 p.m. CST on Saturday. How State & Ole Miss can go from being the only televised game on Thanksgiving Day to playing on a Saturday & not even being on t.v. locally? Well, that takes real talent at sucking, hard. But I digress.

So, we had plans to attend the "Chug-a-Lug" at Clyde's bar for this blessed event, and oh boy, I haven't drank beer like that, umm, ever? Basically, you pick one of the teams & there are rules for when to drink & how many drinks (1, 2, 3 or 4 or more shots, which become cumulative if necessary) based on penalties, touchdowns, first downs, etc. Before the end of the first quarter, we were already on beer #5, & I was on the team that had to drink LESS!!!

Before we all parted ways for the evening (or sadly rather, the afternoon), there had been about 3 near-fights amongst those in our group, insults galore, a rock thrown @ one person's head, a failed attempt @ shotgunning beer, several people puking, threats of shoving a cow bell where a cow bell is not supposed to be shoved, lost keys & of course, tears. A jolly good time had by all!!!!

R.I.P.

Rest in Peace, Mr. Miyagi (Pat Morita), Sam (the World's Ugliest Dog), and the Nick & Jessica union (a.k.a. the goldmine marriage). You will be missed...

Does he have a good (or bad) smell or something?

Oh, I definitely think it's a good smell. That's what it must be -- his scent. Because literally every pet in my family has fallen in *LOVE* with my boyfriend (myself included, of course). From my cat, Dixie Lou (who follows him like a dog when he calls her and "makes biscuits" on him every chance she gets, she has a total crush on him -- and she has always been the bitch of the household, which is really saying something considering she & I BOTH live here!) to my mom's Goffin's cockatoo, Tallulah (a total sweetheart anyway, but who will literally get up in his face & adoringly make kissing noises while delicately pecking his lips), among others. Seriously, from the moment he arrived, I should say, in "our" lives, the animals have been totally & completely enamored w/ him, waaaaaaay beyond the norm... Of course, I think it's great because, as an overly-zealous animal-lover, a man who loves & is good w/ critters is oh-so-very attractive to me. Moreover, I firmly believe that there is something inherently good & wonderful in a person who is such a [literal] magnet for animals (except snakes in JP's case, which make him scream like a girl -- but a very manly girl). But I agree w/ the little beasts 100% -- there's just something about Jon. I love, Love, LOVE him... Can you tell? ;)

Oh, what a pathetic & pitiful SAP I've become!!! But you know what? Quite a happy little sap I am. Thanksgiving? Well, I'm thankful for the turn my life has made over the past year -- the emotional roller coaster (the metaphorical twists & loops & rises & falls I will spare those of you reading this -- for which YOU should now be thankful!) has finally come to a halt & I'm just plain HAPPY. And, man, is it a nice place to be! {insert BIG, happy grin}

So, on that note, I hope all of you had a Happy Thanksgiving (I think I ate my body weight in food -- ending in what I like to call the "food coma")... In the wake of Katrina & Rita, the war in Iraq, death & loss, etc., it's sometimes humbling to step back & look @ all of the things I take for granted all too often, as I have been truly, truly blessed. Family, friends, a comfortable lifestyle, various opportunites & experiences afforded me -- God has given me so much more than I can ever deserve & I am a lucky girl. A THANKFUL girl...

A Swingin' Good Time...

We have found a new addiction @ work (as if we needed another one) -- the Ape Cam @ the San Diego Zoo. What I love best about it are the biographies about each ape, describing them as "The Diva", "The Artiste", "The Rebel", "The Dancer", etc. -- they are too funny!! I have especially taken to Eloise, the siamang, & one of her babies, Hitam Lucu (Little Lucu) -- hilariously, its name means "black fun"...

In fact, I just had an instant message pop-up from my co-worker that said, "I am going to borrow Karen's pic," and I looked to see the picture at left as her new avatar... I am lovin' that hair, I tell you what...

Thought for the day from co-worker #2 upon top-secret discovery of a pregnant employee: "It could always be worse. We could ALL be pregnant." Touche'.

Thanksgiving, Schmanksgiving... I'll take Christmas!!!

My boyfriend has been making just a wee bit of fun of me for my really, Really REALLY premature Christmas spirit (i.e. -- "the stockings are hung by the chimney with care," but not in the hopes that Saint Nicholas soon would be there, but rather b/c they are new, sequined and really cute, & when I put them up -- "just to see what they looked like," I just didn't have the heart to take them back down.)

And then, this conversation takes place betweenst the two of us:

Me: "Well, I see your neighbors have some holiday stuff up... and ooooooh, look, even their Santa Claus and reindeer!!!"
Him: "Yeah, I think they've had that up since right after Katrina."
Me: "Oh." (as we hear the sound of what I thought was my vindication hitting the ground with a proverbial "thud")

The Happiest "Bitch" in the World...

This was just too adorable to resist posting. Some people post pictures of their happy kids, I post pictures of my happy dog. She was in hog heaven, in case you couldn't tell... Snorts and grunts abounding!!!

We planted a bed of pansies in my yard on Saturday. Mind you, I use the term "we" very lightly as Jon did most, if not nearly ALL, of the work... But first we had to ride around all over town getting just the right stuff -- potting soil, pine straw, chicken shit (I'm not kidding), etc. But it looks lovely... At left: kinda reminds me of "Audrey II" from Little Shop of Horrors saying, "Feed me!" Let's see, it's been 2 days, and I haven't killed them. Not yet, anyway...

"The Disturbingly Cute Little Forest Mushroom" and "Saint Tom of Oprah's Couch". Ha. Silly, but still disturbingly funny & true...

(images from of Gallery of the Absurd)

Happy Ending.

Aquarius Overview: "You've had it with being nice. It might have been one too many tough days lately, or maybe that phone call from someone who knows just how to irritate you. Regardless, you need a vacation."

Hmmmmm... maybe there IS something to all that astrology bullshit after all!!!

---

On Monday, we had a dog show up at work who had been hit by a car -- a German Shepherd mix who was so sweet, docile, & loving... Well, we have a bunch of suckers for animals down here, so we loaded him up & took him to the vet to make sure he wasn't in any pain or didn't need any medical assistance since he had a limp & his shoulder appeared to jut out @ a funny angle (an injury that turned out to be from a while back -- it had just healed that way)... Anyway, short story long, one of our employees took him home one night, another the next, & his days were spent out around work (much of the time laying like a good boy behind the receoptionist at her desk). I ran a classified ad with the picture seen to the left in our The Meridian Star & before I had even made it to work this morning, his owner had called!!! He was a happy dog to begin w/, but when he saw her, it was the sweetest thing I've ever seen! Running & jumping all over her & just beside himself to see her!!! We found out his name was "Roscoe P. Coltrane" & he is now back @ home, safe & sound... A happy ending for all...

Love & Shit.

My dear sweet boyfriend just sent me an e-mail w/ some attached images that stated, "Saw these & immediately thought of you..." I have included one of the images above, just to show you what a loving and romantic relationship we have (in all actuality, he really is so wonderful and, bless his heart, puts up with waaaaaaaaaay more than he ever should have to!)... And in my eloquent way, I'm kind enough to tell him that I love the shit out of him. ;)

My Yahoo! homepage daily horoscope states the following untruth: "You've been given several wonderful gifts: tact and diplomacy, for starters...." Uhhh, I have? That's news to me. Even my co-worker laughed out loud when I read that one to her... ION, I've long held the stance that I was never the "cheerleader-type" -- you know, peppy & energetic? But now I have PROOF that I was never the cheerleader-type. Most notably in this case, I like boys, not girls. Sadly, this is probably every guy's wet dream.

Warning: Beware of the Bitch.

I'm a big girl, I can face the music: I am a bitch. On a good day, I am a bitch. On a bad day, I'm a bigger bitch. But on a PMS day, well, let's just call me a raging bitch. And that's precisely what I have been these past couple of days. If you don't believe me, just ask Jon. Or he might just make a desperate run to you for fear of his life at any given moment. But for those of you skeptics out there [read: MEN], I assure you, PMS really is not just an excuse for us to act like assholes because we have a uterus and you don't (although it does come in handy sometimes). Premenstraul Syndrome is real, annoying, almost always untimely, and a {literal} pain in the ass.

So... if you are unlucky enough to run into me this weekend, you can't say you haven't been warned.

****************************

In other "news"... Below is a picture of a little frog I found in one of the plants on my back porch. Just because I thought it was, ummm, cute... and it doesn't involve bitching in any way.

Halloween 2004 in the Big Easy...

My, how fast a year can go by, and how much can happen in just 365 days!!! I was thumbing back through some pictures from last Halloween when we up and went to New Orleans on a moment's notice, only to realize on the way down there that we would be there for Halloween... It was quite an experience, to say the least!!! You can see some real entertaining stuff down there, for sure -- if you ever get the chance to go, I highly recommend it... (on that note, I'm sticking in some random photos taken in the Quarter on that lovely night -- and, no, I do not know any of the 3 girls in the photo!!!)...

The Camera Doesn't Love Me. And I Hate It.

I was informed first thing this morning that I was going to be filmed for a commercial @ work (along with several others). Mind you, all I had to say was, "I promise." However, this was NOT good news for @ least 2 reasons: 1.) I hate being filmed, especially when I can just imagine being somewhere & seeing my big ol' goofy face on t.v.; and 2.) I was not wearing a particularly cute or flattering outfit today (girls, you can understand this). What a tough life I lead if this is one of my biggest problems, right?

I'm not feeling like a very happy customer concerning my new digital alcohol detector yet. I drank almost an entire bottle of wine last night, and it still registered 0.00%. That's bullshit, because I KNOW I was drunk!!! I may have to do a little more tweaking as I was really hoping to set some Blood Alcohol Content records or something... I guess I'll just have to keep experimenting until I can get it right, huh??? ;)

Things That Shouldn't Be Admitted to Anyone.

I actually caught myself watching -- and being totally amused by -- "American Chopper" last night. This isn't the first time I've watched it, just the first time in awhile. This particular episode was of the guys' visit to Edinburgh, Scotland on their first trip across the Pond. Seeing these big ol' Americans with tattoos, and wearing KILTS with their tank tops, pull up to Edinburgh Castle atop their scooters (read: NOT choppers) had me laughing my ass off, literally. Then, just when I thought it couldn't get any better, the bagpiper breaks into "Amazing Grace" as a tribute to Paul, Sr.'s dog Gus as the camera zooms in on the gi-normous tattoo of his mastiff's face (and Paul, Sr. takes a moment to collect his thoughts & feelings). I tell you, I almost peed.

We also watched bits & pieces of WWE RAW during Monday Night Football commercials. Yep, the wrestling show. I can't believe I'm admitting this. It is so darn entertaining and silly, it's.... hard.... to.... look.... away.... But to be quite honest, the main reason I enjoy watching it so much is because it elicits the greatest laughs from Jon. One of those infectious laughs, you know??? The kind that makes you smile just by hearing it... I absolutely adore it. What is wrong with me? I'm somehow turning trash t.v. into something sweet & mushy. Lord help me.

I finally got batteries for my new digital alcohol detector, and you will be glad to know that I have proven that I am not drunk at work this morning as I blew a 0.00%. Later on, I make no promises, but for now, I'm good to go.