Short, Long Day.

To sum up my day (or life, but let's just keep it simple for now), I must quote from one of the most brilliant writers of recent years, Theodor Seuss Geisel (a.k.a. Dr. Seuss):
How did it get so late so soon?
It's night before it's afternoon.
December is here before it's June.
My goodness how the time has flewn.
How did it get so late so soon?
I am so happy to see Barbaro, the thoroughbred who fractured his ankle so badly in the Preakness Stakes, is doing so well!!! Recovering like a champ, but not quite out of the woods completely. I heard that his jockey, Edgar Prado, went into his stall for the first time yesterday since the accident and the horse was soooo excited to see him -- how sweet is that? Just melts my heart...

In other news... Katie Couric left the Today show today. Not that I watched it. Nor will I watch her at night now, either. But fiiiiiiinally!!! She irritates me beyond explanation -- I'm just glad that the hoop-la is now over. Now let's get on to seeing Rosie O'Donnell & Star Jones Reynolds catfight it out on The View! I'll watch, but only for that reason. ONLY.

Other than that, I think I'm gonna keep this post short & sweet. You know why? There is a cold beer calling my name at home and I'm not there yet. Understandable, no?

Methinks I may be way too easily amused...

Last night, I spent half the night on the floor taking ridiculous pictures of my animals -- while poor Jon tried to ignore the sheer stupidity of what I was doing & how silly I looked. It all started when I gave Dixie Lou some catnip & she was suddenly a very happy girl -- imagine that. If you'll look at the picture to the left, that is what a cat looks like high. On catnip, at least.

Jon & I had to watch Winston very closely or he would just TAKE Mattie's chewy away, even when he knew I was watching, he would blatantly snatch it & run like the wind!!! Little fucker. I love him, but he is a little fucker, no two ways about it. So what did I do? Like any fair mother, took it away from him & gave it back to her, where she would proceed to flaunt it in front of him -- so they're both little shits, actually. I like to call this photo "The Tease": But then again, what can you expect from a mother who dresses her dog in this? (Or who paints her fingernails that gaudy-ass color of purple, for that matter!)On a different note, I went by my grandaddy's grave to check the flowers, and found that, yet again this year, killdeer birds had laid 4 little eggs on his grave (see pic below). I even wrote about this in a devotional last year that you can read HERE because it just touched my heart so...And speaking of deer... well, not really, but I figured "killdeer" was close enough for a tangent. Our pet white-tailed doe, Willow, appears to be pregnant & even has a little bag (milk, udders, all that fun stuff). I started doing some reading and, apparently the peak time for white-tailed deer to give birth is in late May or early June. So, if that is the case, we may have us a baby (or two!) soon!!! She has been hanging close to home lately -- hmmmm... I know my grandmother can't wait -- she always loves a baby animal... or just animals, for that matter!

Happy Memorial Day, Fellow 'mericans!!!

Fire up that grill, get out the cold beer, it's Memorial Day here in the United States. Most of you are off of work today. I'm not. We'll just leave it at that.

The big news of the weekend? Thousands dead in an earthquake in Indonesia? Principal Vernon from "The Breakfast Club" died? Two journalists killed in Iraq? Nope...

Rather, the media frenzy seems to be about this: And Then God Said, Let There Be Shiloh Nouvel Jolie-Pitt... Or, as some are calling it, "Jesus Jolie-Pitt". The Velvet Hot Tub had this to say:

"2027's Sexiest Woman Alive is Born -- After 9 months of anticipation, the genes of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie have produced what one can only assume is to be an extremely attractive offspring. Jolie gave birth to a baby girl named Shiloh Nouvel Jolie-Pitt Saturday night in Namibia... What ever happened to the name Sarah, or Emily, or Lauren? Moses, Suri, Kingston, Shiloh... those are pet registry names."

Sorry, but you can't beat Zolten & Moxie CrimeFighter (kids of Penn of Penn & Teller) or Inspektor Pilot (poor child of Jason Lee, a.k.a. "Earl"). And do I even need to start with the Zappa family & their penchant for, ummm, unconventional names (although I give props to them for having the forethought to name a kid "Diva")? In fact, "Shiloh" is actually kind of sweet & meaningful. You know, relatively. For Hollywood. Or Namibia. Or where-the-fuck-ever.

And how about releasing a picture of the baby? I'm still not sure this Suri Cruise kid really exists yet. Do you remember how fake Katie's "bump" looked? It was gi-normous. Conspiracy theorists, mount up!!! Hee, hee...

I have a new dream destination to add to my ever-expanding list: Fethiye, Turkey. In fact, I think I could even be happy staying at this dump. I mean, if I wanted to rough it and all. Ha! Seriously, though, does this place not look like the shit?

Okay, enough daydreaming. Back to work. Happy Memorial Day, everyone!!! I am quite sure the parents of these girls are proud.

Waxing Philosophic...

You ever have one of those moments when you realize that someone you once knew very well has changed? Or maybe that you have changed? Or even that the/your world itself has changed? Perhaps all of the above? If you haven't, then you're lying. Sure, we all grow & change, but it seems like I have had to come face-to-face with more than the average amount of these such realities & realizations about people in the past several years -- some are disappointing, some are frightening, some are sad, some are delightful, & some are absolutely heavenly...

Some changes happen so gradually that you hardly notice until you stop to think about it. On the other hand, sometimes in the blink of an eye, you can look at someone & think, "Wow, it's gone." Good or bad, it's gone. That connection. That bond. You realize that you no longer live in the same worlds. Friends from high school & college, people you have worked with, sometimes even family members. I still love & adore them all, always will. And of course you still have ties that bind & friendships that will last forever, but they do not always stay the same or as strong as they once were (and sometimes they grow even stronger). We grow -- up, out, older, closer together, farther apart.

[At times, we may see these friends &/or family making mistakes... or at least what WE think are mistakes. But there comes a time when you have to take a step back & let them do it because nothing you can say or do would change anything -- you may not support the situation, but you support the PERSON. You can just be there for them & be everything that a good friend should be. At the same time, when the good things happen to those friends/family, you can be that same friend, only sharing in the joy & happiness!!! Okay, off of my soapbox or tangent or whatever that was...]

While all of that can be somewhat depressing & disheartening, really, it shouldn't be at all, for we never lose our true friends. And not only do we have the memories, but look at how life continues to give us more people to fill the voids, to repair the cracks, to share our lives & experiences with (bless their hearts!)... some permanent, some just passing through. Either way, we are lucky to be here at all... and for that, I am forever thankful.

How "glass-half-full" of me!!! And believe it or not, I haven't even been drinking. ;)

I leave you with a picture I took on the Gulf Coast in Gulfport, Mississippi, 2 weeks ago. If anything represents change & hope right now, then the coast is surely it...

Blurbs.

Thank goodness that American Idol shit is over. I'm so sick of hearing about it! I hear Ryan Seacrest said that more than 63 million votes were cast--"more than any president in the history of our country has received." Now that's just pitiful. I've never missed voting for President, but I can proudly say that I have never voted for American Idol. But, hey, at least a Southern boy won. ;)

Well, referencing my last post, I was inspired the other night -- and effectively got a nice little buzz & went to a 9 p.m. softball game where I was passing my Crown & Coke around liberally & generously to the team before, during & after the game ("liberally" and "generously" can also be used to describe the amount of liquor I put in my mixed drinks). That's my cheerleading style.

[You can read more about the "antics" of aforementioned softball game HERE -- it's worth it... I think the picture below explains a lot]Then, I woke up sick. Mind you, I've been sick with the hacking cough & congestion for more than a week now (though that is much, much better), so this time my body decided to revolt and throw nausea, fever, & dizziness into the mix. However, it was not the "Jack Daniels Flu", as my dad calls my hangovers -- I was legitimately pitiful & ill. Laying on your bathroom floor b/c it's cooler is always a fun time. On the good side, I think I puked up anything that did or could make me sick...

Pet Peeve Alert... Someone sent an e-mail to the place where I work to inform us of a misspelled word in an ad, which I fully appreciate (turns out it was the advertiser's fault, though that is neither here nor there). But then their message goes on to say, "I'd fix this if I was you." If... I... was... you. Okay, if you are going to go to the trouble of pointing out someone else's error, then MAKE SURE YOU USE THE CORRECT GRAMMAR WHILE DOING SO!!! I had to bite my tongue, really. And it hurt.

I Feel Inspired.

• Driver Has 18 Times Legal Alcohol Limit
  VILNIUS, Lithuania - Lithuanian police were so astonished when they pulled over a truck driver and his breathalyzer test registered 18 times the legal alcohol limit, they thought their testing device must be broken. It wasn't... Police said Tuesday 41-year-old Vidmantas Sungaila registered 7.27 grams per liter of alcohol in his blood repeatedly on different devices when he was pulled over for driving his truck down the center of a two-lane highway 60 miles from the capital, Vilnius on Saturday... Lithuania's legal limit is 0.4 grams per liter.
• Wine keeps Hungarian apes feeling fine
  BUDAPEST, Hungary (Reuters) -- Monkeys and apes at the Budapest Zoo drink their way through 55 liters of red wine each year, albeit in small quantities each day, to help boost their red blood cells, the zoo said Monday.
• Artificial sweeteners speed alcohol into blood
  LOS ANGELES (Reuters Health) - Alcoholic drinks made with artificial sweeteners lead to a high rate of alcohol absorption, resulting in a greater blood alcohol peak and concentration than from drinks made with sugar-based mixers.
• Women Get Drunk, High and Addicted Easier Than Men
  Snake oil salesmen used to prey on women with their "medicinal" tonics packing 40-proof alcohol. Mick Jagger sang of "mother's little helper"... A woman's addiction to alcohol, pills and other narcotics has long been a wink-wink topic—one that garners a few smirks, rarely taken seriously. The focus has always been on men, who traditionally have had higher rates of substance abuse.
• Just a few pints with the lasses
  Drinking is up among young British women, and that means trouble... British lads have a well-deserved reputation for imbibing more than their fair share, but now the lasses are giving them a run for their money. Research by Moira Plant, professor of alcohol studies at the University of the West of England in Bristol, suggests British women between 18 and 24 now match and in some cases surpass their male counterparts in alcohol consumption.

Fine, I Take It Back.

Regarding my musings in the last post as to why Fred's discount store would carry a supply of saddles, I have to take back what I said... This morning, on the way to work, I saw a man riding a horse down a very commercial stretch of highway. Not a cop, just a man on a horse. Maybe saddles are in higher demand that I thought...

Weekend of Excitement!!!

Okay, so that is completely misleading as I did not leave my house after getting home from work on Friday until I came to work this Monday morning. That is, so long as the fenced-in backyard doesn't count, and by my rules (the only rules that matter in my world), it doesn't. What was I doing, you may ask? Well, mostly being ill & sleeping... but when I wasn't sleeping, I was feeling like shit & letting anyone within earshot know it.

Of course, don't think that being sick stopped me from taking pointless and silly pictures of my "kids" and other random stuff... At left is a chronology of Winston moving in for the kill (i.e. gluttonously & impulsively taking Mattie's chewy when she's not paying attention, which is quite often -- although she is slowly learning that I will not always be there to come to her rescue)... You can tell at what point she turned her back to him and I yelled, "Winston, no!" I swear, the poor thing must think that a stern "no!" is the 2nd part of his name. The good news, though, is that he takes to that name quite well...

Funny story... A co-worker of mine ran to Fred's, a discount chain in the Southeast U.S. that has a little bit of everything (office supplies, snacks, meds, etc.) for prices comparable to illegal overseas child labor wages. Anyway, said co-worker was directed by her sister as to where to find an item in the store before she ventured inside, & her directions included, "Go in, head right, & when you see the saddles, it's right there." You heard me -- SADDLES. All I can say is, WTF!? They say they sell "everyday essentials", but let's be honest, how "everyday" are saddles? Maybe it's all relative, but for most discount-shoppers, I cannot imagine a saddle being an "everyday essential". That is, unless your main mode of transportation is by horse, in which case I would not recommend riding downtown. But it made me laugh nonetheless, which then induced yet another coughing fit...

Okay, I had to throw in this one little gem. Pierced Eyeglasses? I'm sorry, but I'd rather wear a monocle with a 10-foot chain hanging down than have a barbell drilled into my nose so that my glasses can rest daintily atop its bridge. They have no plans to go commercial with this idea? Well, I wonder why...

Okay, enough of Monday. NEXT!
(forgive me -- I watched the "Soup Nazi" episode of Seinfeld this weekend)

Border Patrol Problem Solved...

Sick & Tired of Being Sick & Tired...

I am sick with the bird flu, emphysema, typhoid, TB, the plague, and about a million other things. No, but seriously, I have been sick with a hacking cough (it's lovely, you should hear it), I talk like I have cotton balls jammed up my nose, and since I have to breathe through my mouth, I sound a bit like Darth Vader. Really, it's a lovely, lovely time to be around me. I feel about like little Mattie there -- pooped (except for the fact that she's tired from laying around all day long & fending off the other household crumb-snatcher, Winston).

Random Observation (and I mean really random): I took this picture just around the corner from my house after getting stuck behind a backhoe moving at a snail's pace, if not a wee bit slower. Boredom can do amazing things. But anyway, my point is, does it not look like one of the default Windows backgrounds ("Bliss" -- see left) that comes on your computer? Well, without the rolling hills & clouds... plus there's a fence... and cows... and trees... but still: Anyway, it's Friday, & while I've had yet another drama-filled week at work, I don't feel as much of a need to institute to the "no-give-a-fuck" policy this weekend. I'm not ruling it out, just not putting it into immediate effect.

Take a gander at my silly-ass dog, Winston, at right. He is a total SPAZ (seriously, you have no idea). He looked up at me & his ears were sticking out like ponytails, so of course I couldn't resist snapping away. Oh, & hilarious that when you look up "spaz" at urbandictionary.com (which I love, love, love), it suggests similar words such as: mong, twat, & fucktard. Classic. Although I would never stoop to calling my sweet Winston a "fucktard". Spaz is sufficient.

I think daffodil season here has been over for months, yet I found this little jewel growing in a corner of one of my flowerbeds. No doubt a result of my random midnight flower-planting session I had several months back. I take no credit for the 'shrooms, though:

I apologize for the dullness of this post. Kind of reflects how I feel right now -- just bleh. If only I could hack nice & loud through the computer for you, but alas, technology is not that advanced yet. Well, I could record it & finagle a bunch of shit, but I'm not gonna. So just use your imagination. It's probably much better anyway.

This is just weird. And kind of "ew".

I was sent a link to this Birthday Calculator that tells you all kinds of random information about when you were born... The strange part? I type my birthday in and get the following:

Your date of conception was on or about 17 May 1976 which was a Monday.

Exactly 30 years ago today, I now know what my parents were doing. What are the odds of me typing that in TODAY? Of course, that is also where the "ew" part comes in...

Tids & Bits.

So I'm posting yet again for no real reason except for the fact that it gives me something to soothe my OCD & take my mind off of the things that have managed to piss me off thus far today. So, onward & upward (or, in this case, downward) with the bits & pieces:

• R.I.P. G.V. "Sonny" Montgomery -- My hometown is currently flooded with politicians & dignitaries galore for the funeral of our beloved Rep. Sonny Montgomery (incl. George H.W. Bush & Babs -- love them)... Streets are closed, limos are abounding, city workers are feverishly trying to clean up the procession route, etc... Rest in Peace, Sonny. You did good.
• Cross Burning -- Okay, people, gas is just too damn expensive to be soaking crosses in it and lighting them on fire... Let's be sensible here. Seriously, though, shit like this is just plain embarrassing. This is NOT the Mississippi I know and shame on whoever did this...
• Pink Taco Restaurant Name Causes Stir: SCOTTSDALE, Ariz. - The name of a new restaurant in Scottsdale is stirring up some trouble. The Las Vegas-based Pink Taco Mexican Restaurant is scheduled to open its second location in downtown Scottsdale in June... Nearly half a dozen people in the upscale city recently expressed their objection to the name, claiming it's a derogatory slang term for a portion of the female anatomy.
• Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby -- I sure do love me some Will Ferrell... This movie has got to be hilarious!!! Click on the link for a sneak peek...
• With the obscene amounts of money skank-heiress Paris Hilton spends on herself & her damn dogs, she only spends $10,000 for her mom's Mother's Day gift? Cheap-ass bitch. And then it gets stolen -- ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!!! Now that's comedy.

The Perfect Fit.

I need this t-shirt. Badly.
Just ask anyone who has ever dated me.

Monday, Monday...

I'm back, and my "not-give-a-fuck" weekend went really well -- I had a wonderful, relaxing, fun time... And with that many women in my family in one place for a few days with not fights? Well, that's an accomplishment in and of itself!!! Not only that, but the weather was absolutely gorgeous -- not too hot yet, but with a nice beach breeze and be-YOU-tiful blue skies... It was just lovely... Plus, I got to play with my cousin's little monsters (which is a misconception as they are just sweet as can be -- when the older one isn't trying to choke the baby, that is!):
The older one has discovered his "peanut", as they call it -- and as most people who have ever been around little boys know, once they discover it, they fiddle with it quite often (or so I'm told). Well, his grandmother told him to quit holding onto his "peanut" and his response was: "But, Mimi, if I let go, I fall down." Wow -- who knew it had the ability to throw off his equilibrium...

On the way home from the beach yesterday I decided to take a detour along Highway 90 through what is left of the coastline of Gulfport & Long Beach. Almost 9 months after Hurricane Katrina hit and it is still an area of total devastation and mere remnants of what was once an absolutely gorgeous stretch of road. Very, very sad. Looking at the empty plots of land, people's possession strewn through the trees, and the holes blown through what were once beautiful Southern homes (the ones that are still standing, mind you), one can only imagine the lost memories and livelihoods. It's just horrible...Well, back to the daily grind. It's definitely a Monday 'round here, but after a restful weekend, it hasn't been too terribly stressful. Yet...

Fucking Friday. Fuck, Fuck, Fuck!!!

Once again, I have to say that I am happy to have this week OVER. Especially today -- it has been totally hectic for all of us at work... and here I was under the impression that Fridays were not supposed to be stressful or troublesome or hectic (ha!). I guess I need to reinstitute my "No-Problem Friday" policy. It is a very valuable & helpful approach to the end of the week that has not been being followed these past few weeks, dammit! Such a shame...

On the cool side of the pillow, I will be heading down to Orange Beach to meet up with most of my family at our condo after work (Mother's Day & all, you know). You know what that means? That means I will spend my weekend relaxing poolside and/or beachside NOT GIVING A FUCK about anything. That's right, I'm instituting a "no-give-a-fuck" weekend for myself because, let's face it, worrying & fretting & bitching does absolutely no good (do I smell an epiphany?). At least, not on the out-of-town weekends.

Oh, and sorry for all the "fucks" in the title (no, I'm not), but it sort of mirrors the week poor Jon has been having, too... As you can see, we're a jolly ol' pair right about now!!! Hee, hee... Anyone want to hang out with us for awhile & listen to us bitch & moan? We're more than willing if anyone is just dying to hear it!!! Oh, and we've gotten pretty good at it, too... ;)

Bring on the weekend. And the drinks. En masse.

Rain, Rain, Gone Away...

Today is beautiful & sunny, but yesterday, it rained like all hell had broken loose here!!! Torrential downpours, flooded streets, hail, the works... It was lovely, let me tell you. A real mood lifter: As a point of reference, the picture at left shows the same parking lot from above today (I know, I could have picked a prettier landscape, but this is where I work, people... and I sure as hell wasn't going to run out in the rain yesterday to grab some picture of rolling fields and pastures just for the sake of a prettier scene!). Isn't it gaw-geous outside today? I could have faked sick and gone to lay out by the pool today, but I think everyone at work might wonder what happened if I came in with a tan or a sunburn tomorrow, right? Ho-hum...

Of course, as the old cliche' goes, with every cloud there is a silver lining... A friend of mine took the picture to the right with her camera phone of a double rainbow after the storm. That makes the 3rd rainbow I've seen since Saturday. Needless to say, we've had lots of interesting weather ' round here -- but, that's just springtime in good ol' Mississippi!!!

Do not attempt to adjust your screens concerning the picture at left. At around 7 p.m. or so last night, I looked outside and I swear, the world had turned green. The grass, the light, the sky, the trees, everything. GREEN. I'm not sure if it came out as pronounced as I would have liked in the picture, but it still gives you an idea. It was really kind of eerie... And more importantly, with my olive skin tone, yellows & greens really just make me look sickly, so I didn't even look pretty standing out in my yard -- the horror!!!

And now... this is what happens when you get bored & start taking pictures of random shit around your house for your own self-amusement -- including, but not limited to, both animate & inanimate objects. I swear, this camera has been well worth the $400 or so I paid for it... not sure if that's good or bad, but true. It helps me waste time now like nobody's business... And that, my friends, is priceless!!!Look at those sweet babies above -- delicious!!! Happy Thursday, folks! I can't promise this will be my only post for today, but no promises that it won't... Later, termaters...

Confucius say...

After a particularly crappy day, that is my fortune cookie from last night. Is that telling or what? A crushed fortune cookie. [of course, it's my fault since I threw it in my purse & then chunked my wallet on top of it.]

Fortune inside: "Good news will come to you by mail."

Uh, okay. Let's see, I got my water bill this morning -- does that count?

FAT Tuesday.

I'm currently sitting here trying to drink some green tea. You know, for health benefits & to lose weight & all that good stuff. {because there has to be some good reason for drinking this shit!} "Trying" being the operative word. But I must admit, it's hard as I do not find it to be the best-tasting potable out there. I swear, though, I think maybe I'd just be better off to try the Master Cleanse diet of lemon water, cayenne pepper, and syrup -- which is basically fasting while drinking an utterly nasty concoction (& which would hinder my alcohol consumption -- gasp!!!). But I've heard it works, so...

Okay, this is horrible, but I cannot help but look at this guy, Manuel Uribe, and think that his stomach looks like a giant ball sack. Terrible, I know, but I'm just being honest. Maybe I have a dirty mind, but I have discussed it with some colleagues at work (even worse) and they all agree as well. And don't any of you be surprised that I have a crude mind. You know some of you out there thought the same thing. Or if not, you do now...

This is what kind of sick, sadistic bitch I am: see the picture to the right? That is an antbed in my backyard that I seem to find joy in poking just so that I can watch all the worker ants scurry around & freak out (apparently the first time I poked, I got their "egg stash" -- nice). I know that is horrible & I am a mean, mean person, but if you watch them -- really watch them -- they are fascinating little creatures (I know what you're thinking -- she must have been high). They run around a bit in panic mode, then you can see them re-stabilize & coordinate themselves until they are back to relative normalcy -- a "collective intelligence", if you will... (I used to have a math teacher who would end any math-related sentences or theorems with the words, "if you will..." and it drove me crazy like fingernails on a chalkboard -- I am ashamed I stooped so low). Perhaps I have just missed my true calling as a Myrmecologist. Mmmm, sounds kinky. Or not... ;)

Monday Again Already?

• Nights Out Drinking This Past Weekend: 2 out of 2
• Days Spent Recovering This Past Weekend: 2 out of 2

But it's okay, because I had a good time... and we all know how I like my sleep, so "recovering" for me was more like a pasttime than a chore. This little affinity I have for BEER that is reemerging could be a potential problem because, once again, I do not like plain "light" beer -- I like the heavier, darker stuff, the ales and the lagers. You know, the fattening stuff. I think that all came about when I would go and stay in Breckenridge, CO when we had a place out there, and my dad and I would sample all of the microbrews. Then, going to to Prague and having heavier beer there, well, that didn't help either. ;)

Let's see... on Friday night a bunch of us met up at a local bar and just drank for no good reason other than it was, umm, Friday? Watching young Mr. Willis make the most of his gin & tonics and begin the arduous task of leaving drunk voicemails to friends who were not present was well worth the free price of admission, I think. [Note: apparently anyone who has a monthly tab at a particular bar of $600 or more HAS EVERY RIGHT TO BE BEHIND THE BAR!!! Then again, that doesn't take long when you order $28 crab cakes and suck the gin well dry... but if it ever comes up, now you know...]

Saturday night we went to an engagement party/fish fry for some friends and were forced (kicking & screaming -- ha!) to drink more beer and eat more fried goodness. It was great to see so many people that I have not seen in forever and/or only see on special occasions because they no longer live here or for whatever reason (like the picure @ right of me w/ one of my very favorite people in the entire world, my friend Leigh)...

It rained like a son-of-a-bitch right before the party, which left it muddy, but at least it let up in time to eat & drink!!! Plus, I'd worn my big ol' clunky boots in anticipation of said rain (with my chic-as-can-be embroidered jeans that I love, love, love, just to give you fashionistas out there something to picture in your heads), so I cared not... And I think it's fair to say that the groom-to-be had a pretty good time himself by night's end, despite the mud (see picture @ left). It's amazing what a little alcohol can do... :)

After all of that, I took a day of rest on Sunday. Really, I had no choice -- my body made the decision on its own and told me what I was going to do.

Oh, and is THIS what Pavlov meant by "positive reinforcement"? Hmmm...

Feliz Cinco de Mayo, Amigos!!!

Guess I'd better start brushing up on my Spanish with all the illegal immigrant stuff, huh? That entails a margarita w/ some chips & salsa and a whole lot of mutilation of the Spanish language. Ha! As for the meaning behind the celebration of "Cinco de Mayo"? Hard to believe it's not all about tequila, but wouldn't you know that it always has to involve some bullshit on the part of the French...

*From a hi-larious gossip update I get via e-mail every week: "Rosie O'Donnell will replace Meredith on The View. Her first order of business is to eat Star Jones Reynolds with a plastic knife and fork."

I've said this before, but I love this time of year in my hometown b/c it is so pretty... especially at my parents' house. They have a great back porch with lots of flowers, plants, and a fish pond with all kinds of critters inhabiting it (all of which they added AFTER I moved out, of course!!!)... If it weren't for those damn monster mosquitoes we get 'round here that love to suck my blood, I could sit out there for hours... It's always a zoo over there -- my parents sitting out back, each with their parrot (Jemima & Tallulah), the dog (Julio), horses in the pasture out front, and often the deer (Willow), who shows up for her 'Nilla Wafers. I tell you, we are an animal-dander paradise!!! I'm sure this was a rather disgusting surprise, but at least they were drunk when they discovered the "sediment". Just read it. And on that note, hope everyone has a good and safe weekend... Thanks heavens it's finally here!!! ;)

This Week Can Suck It.

Since I bitched so much the other day about kids not knowing where Louisiana is on a map and other such idiocies, here is a little test entitled "Can You Pass Third Grade?" Give it a go... (although I don't remember such time constraints being placed on us as 3rd graders -- on the computer, I spent 1/2 of my time clicking & dragging the states to the correct spots rather than actually thinking about it!)

I hate to bitch, but... wait, no, I don't. Seriously, I have had the WEEK FROM HELL at work!!! Chalk it up to having taken a week off & then coming back to work @ my busiest time (1st of the month) -- getting my just dues now... For every action [vacation] there is an equal & opposite reaction [work shit]. Grrrr...

In other news, how would we ever be able to survive as Americans without authentic, illegal Mexican burritos? Oh, the horror!!!! Please tell me this isn't your best argument. Whatever... (I just had an enchilada for lunch -- are those still gonna be available?)

And I'm sorry, but this is just gross. Mass-breastfeeding? I see their point once you read the story, but it still sickens me, I can't help it. I don't want to see random milk-plumped titties out in public, the same way I find it totally disgusting when very pregnant women wear clothes that show their big ol' bellies hanging out. I know some people argue that it's "beautiful" & all that shit, but to me, that's not something everyone needs or wants to see. Yeah, I could just not look, but sometimes they sneak up on you! Obviously I don't have any crumb-snatchers of my own... but even if I did, nobody is gonna be seeing my boob in public. Sorry to all of you out there who were waiting on pins & needles for that sighting, but I vow that I will NEVER be that mother who whips a mammary out @ the table in a public restaurant while others are trying to eat. Don't laugh, I've seen it happen & it really kills the appetite. (Maybe all of these mothers should get w/ the immigrants & start feeding their babies some of those illegal burritos instead.)

Just over 2 hours until drinking time begins -- counting down... ;)

The beers should be afraid.

Thanks go out to Matthew for taking this lovely picture & making me look like the ass that I am. Thanks to me for posting it for all to see & ridicule... And thanks to the beer for making it all happen -- for without you, none of this would have been possible...