It took a little more than a click of the ruby red slippers, but I'm HOME...

The picture above was my baby girl the night before I left... As if her little 10 lb. self could have held my suitcase down & kept me from leaving...

Lucky me -- I missed my connecting flight in Montreal on the way home from Prague (through no fault of my own -- many thanks go to Canadian Customs, for being so diligent & taking your sweet fucking time in getting my bags to me, and to Czech Airlines, for changing my departure time w/out warning)... so I had to spend the night there -- on the airline's tab -- & fly out at 5:30 a.m. At least they put me up in the Hilton, but still... when you're ready to be home, you're ready to be home. Long flights don't exactly make for a happy demeanor, but the unexpected delay didn't help either!!! Let's just say that by the time I stepped off of the plane in Meridian, I was so happy to see Jon standing at the gate waiting for me, it was hard not to run & jump into his arms, a la' Rachel McAdams & Ryan Gosling in "The Notebook" & at the MTV Movie Awards!!! (God, I love, Love, LOVE that clip of those two cute kids!)

Don't get me wrong, I had a fantabulous trip... Good times, good times... There were some definite déjà vu moments, as can only be expected after returning to a foreign city I'd visited in a bit of a different capacity almost 8 years ago (read: binge-drinking with college friends), but that just made it all the more special. {However, I must say, I can still drink the beer over there like it's water -- it's just that good!} Plus, having Matthew & Will to show me around (bless their hearts), I got to see a lot of stuff I would never have seen otherwise, or even known to see (not to mention how good it was to see them!). I swear, I could wander around Prague endlessly and just take in all of the gorgeous Medieval & Baroque architecture -- it is all soooo beautiful... That alone would be worth it, but throw good friends, great beer, and lovely weather into the mix, and it's gold. :)

I have a plethora of pictures, and I'm doing my best to pick just a few to post for now -- though it's hard since I was even more camera-happy than normal!!! (I know it's hard to believe, but yes, it is actually possible! Ha!) No doubt there will be random pics from the trip thrown in here and there in the posts to come. I get carried away sometimes, in case you haven't noticed...

It was nice to be able to just take things easy & treat it like a true vacation -- as in, doing whatever, whenever... My flight left just after noon on Saturday & Matthew was like, "That means you'll actually have to get up in the a.m. -- think you can handle that?" While it was tough, I did it. (though it didn't really matter since I got home a day late anyway!!!) It probably wasn't helped by the fact that we stayed out until 4:30 a.m. the night/morning before, but at least that made it easier to sleep on the plane (which kept me from having to watch "Fever Pitch" -- at least the movie on the way there was "The Chronicles of Narnia", which I did watch).

I'll post more about the trip later, but the fact remains: playtime is over and tomorrow I have to go back to work. Ho, hum. Such is life, I guess... Either way, it was good to go & now it's good to be home!!!

short, sweet, and to the point...

Well, I am in Prague (finally, after one of the longest layovers EVER, but I made some friends on the plane, so we just hung out in the Milan airport and drank ourselves silly)... Matthew and I have just been walking around, hanging out, eating, drinking, and catching up... The weather is gaw-geous -- warm and bright and sunny... love it, love it, love it...

I will have tons of pictures to post once I get back... just a bit limited on time right now so I will refrain from getting into any long-ass posts or pictures right now...

I miss everyone back home (esp. you, Jon) but am having a really great time... Well, off to take more of it all in (and yes, that includes beer)... Later taters...

Dog + Panties = Happy.

Kelly: Be careful leaving your shoes on the floor when Winston is around -- I caught him earlier sneaking off with one of my favorite Mary Janes preparing to chew it up.

Jon: I'll move my shoes...

Kelly: We had a dog who would chew on panties before, but not shoes.

Jon: I can't say that has happened to me. I don't have many pairs of panties just hanging around my house.

---

Our shih tzu, Otis Earl,disappeared 3 years ago (sniff, sniff)... He was literallly the best dog! And by "our", I mean that he was the "family dog". I still look for him everywhere I go & keep a framed picture of him on my desk @ work (see picture at left)... But, let's face it, he liked panties. He really did. My parents used to have a sliding glass door in their bedroom, and on more than one occasion, panties were found just outside these doors, strewn about the yard, after he stealthily snuck them from an unpacked suitcase or a pile of unfolded clothes. Don't worry -- they were clean, I promise. ;)

[thankfully, I grew up in a pretty secluded area way off the main road]

"Pra-ha!" (you know, like "a-ha!", but w/ "pr")

Well, the hours are ticking away until I leave for a week of vacation -- and man, has it been awhile!!! I was more accustomed to making trips out of the country at least once a year, and it has been waaaaaay too long since I did that. So, Prague will be a welcome break!!! It's been almost 8 years since I first went with a bunch of college friends and I have been looking forward to going back ever since [I don't think I can ever beat the Millsaps "Kill-Your-Liver-Tour" of '98 -- a trip made w/ great friends under the guise of "education" -- we actually got college credit to pretty much drink for 6 weeks]!!! Beautiful, beautiful city. Amazing architecture. Good beer! ;)

I joked about bringing the Bird Flu back with me, and someone at work has now suggested that I be quarantined for awhile when I get home. Hey, that could work for me. Would that mean I would get to stay home & do nothing, or would that mean that I would be thrown in with all the quarantined animals & stuff? Either way, I think I'd be happy...

The drawback is that Jon is not going with me -- I wish he was, but I'm just s.o.l. on that one... Then again, he might be welcoming the break from me!!!! Even if he is, he's being so sweet about it and is acting excited for me nonetheless. Then again, he is getting to go to another crawfish boil tomorrow w/ a bunch of friends after he takes me to the aeropuerto, so he won't be suffering too terribly much!!!

I got to work terribly late today -- that whole not-sleeping-at-night thing finally caught up with me, I guess. Luckily, I had busted my arse earlier in the week to get all/most of my stuff done b/f going out of town, so it didn't hurt me too much... And if you're gonna be late, might as well do it right, huh?

On another note, someone at work gave me a ginger plant to transplant at home (well, it was more like just a LOG when I got it) and it's now starting to grow. I doubt it will bloom this year, but at least it's thriving and not withering away like so many of my horticultural projects do!!!

The picture to the left was a result of, well, boredom. It's looking at the sun set over my fence in the backyard (perhaps a few minutes too late) and I just really liked it. Has anyone noticed that I seem to enjoy taking random-ass pictures? No? Yeah, right... My digital camera changed my life, I swear. Okay, that might be an exaggeration, but I sure do have fun with it. I mean, I was a picture junkie before, too, but the fact that I can now delete any pics that I do not like? Well, that just floats my boat. My life can almost be tracked by a chronology of photographs...

Well, enough for now... I'll post again when I can (if I can hold off until I leave, which I doubt -- ha!)... until then, have a great weekend, everyone!!!

It's a Miracle!!!

Flashback to Saturday, November 26, 2005... Location: Clyde's bar. Event: "Chug-a-Lug" for the Egg Bowl (Ole Miss v. Miss. State football game). You can reaquaint yourself w/ the goings-on of this rite of debauchery in the second part of the post titled Step-Ins & Beer. After much drinking & drama, Jon's keys literally disappeared & were finally dubbed "MIA", despite all of our desperate attempts to find them (& the tears that flowed as a result of a much ado about the loss of said keys, fueled by too much alcohol). They were deemed lost & gone forever.

Fast forward to Easter Sunday, April 16, 2006... Location: Jon's house. Event: Easter happy delivery. My phone rings & Jon tells me that his mom had dropped off some "Easter happies" for us, which included chocolate bunnies, Easter eggs, and lo & behold, the missing keys!!! Apparently there was an Easter Egg hunt @ Clyde's (for beer instead of eggs) & upon kicking a clod of dirt behind the bar, what doth appear but JP's long lost keys! House keys, car keys, keyless entry remote (which still worked, btw), etc. What are the odds, right? Lucky bastard... ;)

Eye See You. But You Look Kind of Pinkish.

This is what your eyes look like when you cannot fall asleep at a decent hour (and consequently, cannot wake up on time either). Lovely...

It's been a pretty low-key day/week at work as I count down the days until I leave for Prague, so instead of some rambling post about nothing, I'll leave you with a short post about nothing. Look, I never promised you a rose garden. But here are some random funnies anyway:

• Humuhumunukunukuapuaa -- say that one 5 times fast. Hell, I can barely say "5 times fast" more than once at a normal pace...
• Daddy needs a new house!!! One Red Paperclip -- this is entrepreneurial genius...
• "Perverted Peeps": Click HERE to see a video of people doing some really random shit to Easter Peeps...
• Oh, how I love The Onion... If you read nothing else today, read this article. It had me cracking my ass up: "Drunk Will Show You, Everybody"... Especially prolific is this quote, "Although Stenrud did not specify what he intended to show, he addressed a number of issues in detail, including the lack of credit he is given 'day in and day g*ddamn out,' his endless payment of dues 'day after day after day', and a general sentiment of not giving a fuck today or any other fucking day." Beautiful, man, just beautiful...

Ken Sucks. No, like, Ken literally sucks.

I overheard a news story that reported Mattel's financial numbers as being on the rise because of the introduction of "the new Ken doll"... and it was then that I looked up at the t.v. and saw the gayest-looking purported-to-be-male piece of plastic I have ever seen. I sincerely hope that they do not expect a class-act like Barbie® herself to compromise her integrity by staying with a man who clearly can never satisfy her -- emotionally, intellectually, or sexually. Is it because of her age and the fact that she is still not married? Is that why she is being punished with the curse of forbidden love? Why, why make her boyfriend so, so fancy? WHYYYY???

Okay, so anyway... When I was hunting for a picture of "the new Ken doll", I did a Yahoo! search for Mattel new Ken doll, and this was the first site that popped up: The Man Behind the Doll Presents Earring Magic Ken. I particularly like this quote:

"On closer inspection, Ken's entire Earring Magic outfit looks like three-year old rave wear. A Gaultier purple faux-leather vest, a straight-out-of-International-Male purple mesh shirt, black jeans and shoes. It would seem Mattel's crack Ken redesign team spent a weekend in LA or NY, dashing from rave to rave, taking notes and polaroids."

I love it!!! "A Gaultier purple faux-leather vest, a straight-out-of-International-Male purple mesh shirt, black jeans and shoes." And get a load of that caption under the convertible date picture: "It's Earring Magic driving with Secret Hearts, who is wearing a wrist corsage." Earring Magic & Secret Hearts... The pink ruffles on the passenger's shirt sleeve... A WRIST CORSAGE!!! There is a gay-Ken movement!!! Who knew!? I mean, it's always been obvious, but how fucking funny!!! Oh my God, I'm peeing...

I was going to try to post a picture of a masculine Ken doll for comparison purposes, but surprisingly, I honestly could not find one that did not look gay. Not a one.

Fucking Finally... [with a sigh of disgusted relief]

[click on the title above for a link to the full story]

Poor ever-expanding Katie Holmes finally delivered the prodigy of L. Ron Hubbard on Tuesday after what has seemed like the longest pregnancy in recent history -- and surprisingly, considering the gargantuan size of her belly, the baby girl, Suri, was only 7 lbs. 7 oz. Oh, bless her heart, she's in for some an "interesting" ride. And Katie, too... ;)

Hilarious that Brooke Shields also had her 2nd baby girl on Tuesday. I say "hilarious" only because, last year, Tom Cruise started acting CrAzY right around the time he totally freaked the fuck out on Matt Lauer when Brooke admitted to taking Paxil for postpartum depression. GASP! The horror! (I guess "ironic" is a better word?)

Hmmm... whose shoes would I rather be in? No question, Brooke's. If I'm depressed, I want my husband to help me get better, not try to "cure me" with vitamins & supplements, a la' Scientology's method. GIVE ME DRUGS. Plus, Brooke's husband doesn't make me think he's going to great lengths to mask his homosexuality. Ha.

Good Stuff.

As I was leaving dinner last night, I saw something in the parking lot under my car that just put a nice little smile on my face -- the picture to the left is of a magnet that came glued to our phone books showing a really, really piece-of-shit crooked lawyer in Jackson named Richard Schwartz (the magnet hit my trash can about as soon as the phone books hit my desk). I'm going to do all you readers a favor & refrain from a long diatribe about what I think of the morals & ethics of this man & the way he abuses his profession -- it's hard, but I'll refrain. Put it this way: his tag line is, "One Call, That's All!" and he is what you would call a "trial lawyer" when you mean it to be an insult. To see that magnet run over, dirty & plowed into the ground just made me a happy little girl. It's the small things in life, right? (I was saddened to learn that he attended my alma mater, Millsaps College, for undergrad -- I really preferred to have nothing in common with this man other than my front tire running over his goofy face on that magnet)

Somebody got one hell of a haircut!!! Then again, somebody needed it. Mattie was starting to look like Boober from "Fraggle Rock" or that Muppet whose hair hangs down over its eyes. Bless her heart, it's a wonder she could see anything. That is, if she actually could see anything... But take a gander at Winston sneaking a peek at her undercarriage while she gets a good scratch on -- what a little perv.

The Easter Ribbit.

Easter morning was a lovely unexpected surprise for me thanks to my much-sweeter-than-myself boyfriend... My parents were at the beach, [Jon & I] had a lunch date with my grandmother after church, I got to sleep in... Then Jon wakes me up to show me what the oh-so-thoughful Easter Bunny left for me -- he had even hidden little eggs all over the yard for me to find -- on birdfeeders, in plants, under trees... too sweet! While my lazy ass was snoozing away, my wonderful boyfriend -- ahem! -- I mean, the Easter Bunny was getting some of my favorite candy, flowers, goodies, etc.!!! Even my good buddy, the frog-in-the-plant, got me a little Easter card & had it stuck in the plant (see picture)... How thoughtful of the little guy. Who knew frogs could write, huh? ;)

Then... I'm sad to admit, I skipped church. And it had nothing to do with not enjoying services at my church because I really, really do, and I had every intention of going this morning... but it was solely because I absolutely dreaded getting dressed. Yeah, I got dressed for lunch, but it wasn't exactly "Easter Sunday" attire, & a Southern girl has her standards, right? Oh, fiddle-dee-dee... How terrible does that sound? Seriously though, I haaaaate blow-drying my hair. I have really thick hair & my hairdresser says it is "very porous", which I presume is hair-speak for, "takes fucking ages to dry". (fun fact: strangely, my hair is only thick on my head -- my arms & legs are nearly bald... not that I'm complaining about that!) We did stop & love on Tallulah for a sec -- or rather, Jon did. Because she didn't care about me once she saw him & got to give him Easter kisses (see right)... Anyway, as for missing church today, I chastise myself & am ashamed -- I really am... and on Easter of all days. Shame on me. SHAME ON ME.

Then, Jon had the gall -- the gall! -- to make me be somewhat productive yesterday! We made the requisite trip to Lowe's (every man's wet dream) & then we stained my adirondack chairs... something I've been wanting to do for, oh, 5 or 6 years now. I'm just a tiny bit of a procrastinator, huh? We also pulled up the pansy bed/Indian burial mound we planted this past winter (sniff, sniff) so that it can fill in w/ grass. It's in one of those places whose location makes absolutely no sense -- so away it shall go! Not sure who made that brilliant call when the landscaping was first being done... And of course, once again, Jon did most of the work while I pitifully weeded my flowerbeds & took pointless pictures like the one at left...

I was sick for the last 2 days of the work week last week (I went in for about 2 hrs. on Fri., hardly anything to write home about) so I have a lot of goodies to catch up on as well as the stuff I already needed to do (important to mention it's all hurried a bit anyway b/c of the upcoming jaunt to Prague -- I'm already out a week there.)... plus a doctor's appointment... plus a dentist appointment... plus packing... lots of fun stuff. Ha, ha.

Anyway... here's a bit of pop culture for you before I leave for an appointment:

• Okay, what the fuck, Brad? Was the blonde hair not bad enough? Now he's emulating Maddox Jolie-Pitt (and "Barbie Cardinal") with a new mohawk, or Mohican, or whatever. Is it 1985 again?
• Katie Holmes & Tom Cruise, still no baby? How has she not popped yet? I swear, I think this is her 45th trimester. She must really be against the Scientology "silent birth" thing to still be holding that giant baby in! That, or she is either having to wait until Tom confirms that the baby is indeed the reincarnation of L. Ron Hubbard or until it gets as big as Tom himself, whichever happens first... I'll be honest: Tom Cruise freaks me the fuck out. Gross...
• Tragic: Paris Hilton sings "Happy Birthday" to Hugh Hefner. Honey, no matter how many men you fuck (or even which ones), you're still no Marilyn Monroe.
• Who Would Buy THAT!?
• I can't believe it... It appears as though my fair state of Mississippi -- the "Hospitality State", no less! -- is NOT one of the top "invasion" choices for Mexicans, as shown by THIS "invasion map"... Hard to believe, I know. Ha, ha...
• Diamond-studded Martini = $3,000 But is it, EXTRA dirty? Oh, it would have to be... (sly smile)

Joke of the Day...

In the mall food court, an old man is watching a teenager sitting next to him. The teenager had spiked hair in all different colors: green, red, orange, and blue....

The old man kept staring at him. The teenager would look and find the old man staring every time.

When the teenager had enough, he sarcastically asked, "What's the matter, old man, never done anything wild in your life?"

The old man did not bat an eye in his response. He replied, "Got drunk once and had sex with a peacock. I was just wondering if you were my son."

We build some shit, don't we?

This is a quick little "get-your-culture-on" post... I thought these skyline shots were breathtaking & worth sharing (Hong Kong, Tokyo, & Chicago):

"Insanity runs in my family. It practically gallops!" ~Cary Grant

When I was younger, I had my very own miniature horse (in addition to all of the horses my grandparents had, they bought one just for me) -- & oh, how I loved her!!! "Trip" was bitchy & spoiled & sensitive & hardheaded, pretty much just like me. Literally, it was almost uncanny... Anyway, she was a tri-colored pinto, yet she had a baby girl one year who was solid bay & who we named Jezebel. When Jez was just 2 mos. old (babies are weaned from their mothers @ 3 mos.), Trip got sick & we rushed the 2 of them to Mississippi State University's veterinary school. A few days later, while they were examining her, & Jezebel was by standing by her side, my horse dropped dead. Turns out she had uterine cancer so advanced that they were baffled as to how she managed to carry a baby to term in the first place... which left my little Jezebel an orphan, & you can bet your ass she hasn't let us forget it!!! She is one of the most beautiful mares (especially for one who has had several babies over the years & become a bit plump!) yet one of the bitchiest. Like mother, like daughter, I guess...

So the other day Jez gave birth to an adorable little baby boy who looks JUST like his grandmother -- my horse who passed away!!! I could hardly believe my eyes as the tri-color isn't exactly common... But that's him in the picture above. That annoyed look -- it runs in the family!!! I love it!!! [I found a picture of Jez w/ her mother the other day -- I'll try to remember to scan it in -- it's really cute!]

Anyway... last night while I was taking pictures of the horses, a family gathering sort of popped up out of nowhere. One minute I'm alone, the next I'm w/ my aunt & grandmother & look to see my parents heading over to the barn, too -- my dad carrying his requisite bourbon & coke (priorities, priorities) & my mom with her bird, Tallulah (see right)... It was such a pretty evening, it was hard to pack it in & go back inside (see picture of the moon below)... but the damn mosquitoes made it a bit easier!!!

ION... D12's Proof was shot & killed early this a.m. He served as best man in Eminem's wedding just a couple months back (yeah, the one that is dissintegrating -- again) and played a murder victim in one of Em's videos. If that's not foreshadowing, well, then I don't know what is...

Gas prices are set to go even higher this summer!!!??? I'm thinking about just moving in at work to eliminate that pesky "driving to & from work" aspect of a job (plus, that would mean a few extra minutes of sleep, right?). At this rate, I can't afford to be employed!!! Okay, so that's a lie, but still...

MUNICH (Reuters) - A supermarket worker's discovery of 20 kilograms (44 lb) of cocaine hidden in a case of fruit had German police going bananas. Surprise!!!

Queen Trivia (no, not me... that other queen, QE2): she's given out 78,000 Christmas puddings over the years & I never got a single one (even though I have no idea what a "Christmas pudding" is -- it sounds British & gross), her real birthday is in April but they celebrate it in June (oh, okay, b/c that makes no sense at all?), she first travelled on the London Underground in 1939 with the {gasp!} commoners, etc.

Okay, gotta run... the phone is ringing my ear off & making my blood pressure sky-rocket... grrr...

Odds & Ends...

• My new RING... 50.53 carats? Juuuuust right... Hee, hee...
• Dumbass of the Day!!!
• Gwyneth Paltrow & Chris Martin had a little boy & managed to pick out another weird-ass name -- Moses Martin. If you're trying to make sure your kid gets picked on, way to go!!!
• "Spider Hole" o' Marijuana
• "Three weeks old Bonobo baby Luebo is ruffled by his mother Lisala in a zoo in Wuppertal, Germany, Friday, April 7, 2006." If you've never read or heard much about Bonobos, I highly suggest you take a peek at them. They are amazing creatures with striking similarities to humans -- behavioral, social, physiological, etc...
• What? The housing market in Baghdad isn't booming? Well, maybe not in the good way...
• Someone stole Jerry Garcia's toilet. There are so many things wrong with this, I scarcely know where to begin: 1.) it was awaiting its trip to be displayed in a casino's traveling exhibit [meaning people will pay to see where Jerry Garcia shat]; 2.) it was a salmon-colored toilet; 3.) there is a $250 REWARD for this toilet... okay, I'll stop there.
• Katrina Animal Rescue montage of pictures...
• So the illegal immigrants used today to protest/demonstrate, huh? More protesters -- now that's what this country needs!!! They claim to do jobs we don't want to do, yet they took off of that work to protest. I'm surprised they haven't formed a fucking union yet. I have no problem with LEGAL immigrants, but illegal? Why should they be granted rights for breaking our laws? Am I the only one who thinks this can of worms should be an open-and-shut case?

Monday, Monday, Monday...

The frog is still around -- I was sitting outside the other afternoon & when I took a peek at my plant, I could see the little face to the left staring back at me... My backyard is just flourishing with all kinds of animals -- birds, squirrels, frogs, lightning bugs, raccoons, dogs, etc. It's a jungle out there. Especially if you take into account all of the weeds that have popped up!!! The picture above shows 2 male cardinals literally having a "stand-off" over my bird seed (you might have to look closely). Just another day in the neighborhood, I guess...

Speaking of "cardinals", that reminds me of a very random story. Back in elementary school, my friends & I played w/ Barbies. However, our Barbies didn't have "dream houses" or stuff like that. Instead, they got murdered, had affairs, whatever... It was more true-to-life (blame too much unsupervised Skinemax & HBO) than pretty & pink. Anyway, one of my friends, Leah, decided to give one of her Barbies a haircut & proceeded to shape it into a mohawk, a la' Maddox Jolie-Pitt -- which looked much like the little crest on top of our cockatoo's head. Or, as Leah saw it, like on the head of a cardinal. Thus, the doll was dubbed "Barbie Cardinal". The fact that I found that so funny probably explains a lot...

Anyway... I had a nice weekend, despite the fact that my trip to Texas (horse show) had to be cancelled b/c of timing issues... We ended up going to the annual Crawfish Boil @ the Hungry Heifer (restaurant here in town) on Saturday -- lots of pullin' tails, suckin' heads, & drinkin' beer. Can't beat that with a stick! A good time was had by all (@ least, as far as I am aware)... Some of you may recognize the guy in the middle in the pic above right from "Anatomy of a Fall" here & here... [Yep, I did it, I called you out again, Matt!!! C'mon, you know you like it...] * If anyone watched "Extreme Makeover: Home Edition" last night, I'm excited to report that my friend Molly's husband, Sean, works for Fieldstone & was one of the guys working on the Craft Family's house -- we got several glimpses of him throughout the show... They did an awesome job & I just wanted to say congrats!!! (Molly & Sean's wedding in December was recounted here)...

Baby Love...

Best wishes to my friend Erica & her husband Brandon on the arrival of their beautiful & healthy baby girl, Channing Falise Roberts (or "Charley", for short)!!! Big smiles all around... :)

Congratulations!!!!!

And now for the NON-political post...

Well, it's Friday, and I could not be happier to see this week GONE!!! I feel like it has drug on forever (it's always like that at the first of the month for me work-wise, and I've been doing this for 5+ years so you'd think I'd be used to it by now & quit bitching about it -- nonsense!!!)... Now, on to the non-political stuff:

• McKINNEY, Texas - A woman accused of cutting off her 10-month-old daughter's arms and leaving the baby in her crib to die was found not guilty by reason of insanity at a retrial Friday. I'm sorry, but what the fuck!? I remember when this happened & I thought, "That is horrific -- she will never get away with that!" And the man who raised her called her "a loving, caring mother". Umm, if THAT is what a loving, caring mother is, thank God I didn't have one!!!! If she is so insane, then cut her arms off & see if she minds.
• Britney Spears hired "little people" for K-Fed's birthday bash in Vegas. Midget Sonny & Cher impersonators singing "I Got You Babe" no less... Oh my -- this has PR travesty written all over it!!!
• Bald Eagle Tends to Nest As Single Dad
• OMG, the Britney Spears "Monument to Pro Life: The Birth of Sean Preston" has now been photographed from every angle, including the back (and you just thought you'd seen more than you wanted!). I have no words. Wait, yes, I do -- fucking sick. I can't believe I have referenced Brit TWICE in one post. She's just such a target, bless her heart, it's hard not to, even if this one isn't her fault!!!
• How many times have you said this to yourself when driving???

Mid-Morning Rant...

This is one of the most ridiculous things I have ever seen -- the posts at the bottom even more so than Mr. Taylor's comments, which I would like to point out would not exist if his mother had exercised her right to abort her pregnancy (but I digress)... And who's forcing this man to drink dirty water??? Whatever.

[I'll go ahead & say it: Matt & any other liberal Democrats, feel free to go ahead & start writing some long-ass thesis as to why President Bush is wrong & this shameful goober is every liberal's hero -- but be aware that it will likely be a waste of your time b/c it's my blog & I will say whatever I feel like saying & take the liberty of just deleting your comment if I want to -- I'm not trying to convince anyone of my beliefs nor do I want anyone else trying to convince me of theirs... Why? Because I'm a Republican, I guess, & we just do shitty things like that. Mu-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!!!]

Anyway, I'm reading the comments at the bottom & I really don't see what all of these people are hooting & hollering about. I wasn't a fan of Bill Clinton, but I have more integrity & respect for the Presidency than to talk to him like that. (If it were Hillary, different story maybe...) I do, however, give the man "props" for thanking the President for letting him speak his peace... That really is what this country is about & it showed the respect that his comments were lacking... That being said, maybe Mr. Taylor & all of those liberal posters should get together with Charlie Sheen & talk about how the fall of the twin towers appeared to be a "controlled demolition" & other conspiracy theories against Bush over some drinks, cocaine & whores (that is, if Charlie can take a break from his gambling, sex, prostitute, booze & drug addicions long enough to discuss it again).

You know, had Clinton had the balls to do anything about terrorism during HIS Presidency, maybe HE would be the one touted as the "miserable failure", but he didn't. Why? Probably because he was too busy getting his dick sucked by a chunky intern to deal with the fine art of war, action against terrorists, the U.N., approval ratings, etc.

The one post I did like was, "Wonder how many people ask Kennedy if he is ashamed for killing Mary Jo Kopeckne?" Of course all of the posters get up-in-arms over this & start spouting stuff about how long ago that was, Laura Bush having a wreck & killing her high school boyfriend, Cheney shooting his friend, etc. You know what the difference was? The two of them weren't drunk & didn't leave their victims to DIE to protect their own reputations. Again, it's called INTEGRITY.

I'll admit I didn't read ALL of the comments. Just seemed like a waste of my time. Then again, what did I expect from a ultra-liberal site? Maybe I'd be better off somewhere like here. Hee, hee...

Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah......

Yep, another one of my random-ass posts. I figured that, even if I don't have much to say, the H5N1 Bird Flu is on its way (since it's already made its way to Scotland & other parts of Europe) and we're all gonna die soon (especially after I bring the bird flu back with me from Prague later this month -- just kidding), so I'd better get in as much rambling & bitching as I can while I'm still able, right? Okay, maybe not ALL of us will die, but still... Am I a real breath of fresh air or what!? (Oh, and that's my Yahoo! avatar to the left -- striking resemblance, no? Hee, hee... )

It snowed in New York yesterday -- yet the temps were in the 80's here in Mississippi (gotta love the South!)... But that snow made for a picture I really like taken in Queens:

• More Tom Cruise. About his nuptials-to-be: "First the baby, then the film. Then, in summer, we want to get married. I won't let this woman get away." It's good to see he's got his priorities straight, that the film comes after the baby but before the marriage (move out of the way, lest you be soaked in my dripping sarcasm)... As I read on another site, "Katie Holmes has finally entered her 93rd trimester and still hasn't given up the goods..." Ha, ha! Poor Katie -- run, Run, RUN while you still can!!!
• Eminem is getting divorced again, less than 3 months after remarrying that hussy otherwise known as the mother of his child. Well, now, isn't that shocking? I think I remember reading that he did not have her sign a prenup this time around because he felt it was really going to work. Well done!!! (I don't care -- I still love me some Eminem...)
• "PRAGUE (Reuters) - A Czech man ate frogs and other small animals for four days after he was trapped on an island cut off by flooding, the daily Pravo reported Wednesday." And by "frogs", they don't mean the French... though they are no doubt just as sour and bitter.
• The Sexiest Man in Hollywood? EAT IT, George!!!! Suck that bitch down, big boy!!!
• The World Meteorological Organization decided to retire 5 hurricane names, including that whore Katrina. Well, no shit... And "An Active Hurricane Season Predicted for 2006". Just fucking great.
• Lastly, apparently Meredith Vieira is going to replace the ever-annoying Katie Couric (someone who I just want to punch in her big-toothed face every time I see her) on the 'Today' show. Hell, if I had to sit by Star Jones Reynolds every day and get knocked around by her big-ass ego (and her big ass), I'd leave, too!!!

Just look at that sweet face on my baby girl (as she lounges on my dining room table -- lovely)... I can hardly believe that she will be 8 years old this summer!!! Or that I have had her that long... Dixie Lou & I have been through a lot together, I guess, and I just don't know what I would do without her bitchy little self around!!!

Last night I went to the USM vs. Ole Miss baseball game in Jackson w/ my sweet dad & boyfriend to watch Ole Miss get stomped -- it was nice. It's not that I don't like Ole Miss, but more that I just like to see them lose b/c the fans can be so obnoxious -- as if their shit doesn't stink (no offense to most of you Rebels out there, I promise!). The strange part? Up until December of my senior year of high school, I was headed for Ole Miss... Had been accepted, had a roommate, the whole shabang... then I changed my mind and went to Millsaps College instead. One of the best decisions I ever made (nothing against Ole Miss on that front, it's just that I wouldn't trade the friends & experiences from college for anything!)... Sure, I'd probably say the same thing if I had gone to Ole Miss after all, but I didn't. So there.

Stupid Joke: I went into a gas station today and asked for five dollars worth of gas. The clerk farted and gave me a receipt.

Why is that joke funny? Don't be silly -- it's not funny!!! You know why? Because I paid $46.00 for 16 gallons worth of gas the other day (yes, it was premium, but still). 46 flipping dollars!!! Criminal, I tell you, criminal...

Lunchtime Fun!!!

More from the "Tales from Work" file... It's amazing the things you can find in and around cars... One of our mechanics at work came in holding this little jewel with some tongs, just as I was eating lunch -- yummy!!! And, yes, that is a rat. A very dead rat, but a rat nonetheless...

Quote of the Day: "It's not that I like to cuss -- I just like to use the word 'fuck' a lot."

And last but certainly not least, I'm no feminist, but I'm also not a donkey. Guess it's a good thing I wasn't educated in Rajasthan, India, huh?

How do you know you come from a family of animal lovers? When you're talking to your dad on his cell phone and he suddenly tells you that he's sees a baby turtle in the road and stops to pick it up to keep it from being run over... then he brings it by and when you look at it, you wonder how this man cannot see the rings around Saturn because I would never have seen such a tiny little thing in the road!!! [And I'm one of those people who actually does stop and move turtles out of the road on a fairly regular basis.] Even more proof? He already has a nice tank set up with another baby red-eared slider in it, so this little guy just hit the jackpot!!!

This is what happens to toy baskets that don't do as they are told...

I don't know what the poor toy basket did (or didn't do), but there was some frustration taken out on it, as you can see from the picture above... and I didn't do it. The culprit [or, ahem, culprits] apparently were not even afraid enough of their master (i.e. me) to leave the scene of the crime -- tsk, tsk... We run a real tight ship 'round here...

I have one tulip blooming. ONE. That's just pififul. But here is "a view from the top" anyway (note the bug crawling inside -- yummy!)... Hey, at least it's purple:
I had a good weekend -- albeit short. But, the picture below shows one of my highlights from Saturday night and makes it all worthwhile!!! I cannot remember when I have laughed so freaking hard, I swear! I call it "Anatomy of a Fall" and it goes along well with the video clips I was able to capture of same friend "freestyle rapping" to Battle Hymn of the Republic. Yes, you read me correctly. Let's just say that he won't be running for public office anytime in the near future and leave it at that, okay?

The Tao of Pooh.

"Pooh began to feel a little more comfortable, because when you are a Bear of Very Little Brain, and you Think of Things, you find sometimes that a Thing which seemed very Thingish inside you is quite different when it gets out into the open and has other people looking at it."

~A.A. Milne, The House at Pooh Corner ~