Get Your Culture On...

• All you ever wanted to know about DOG SHIT and then some!!!
• Ku Kluck Bill, the world's youngest Klucker...
• "10-4, good buddy..." Ha!
• If I never hear the term "man loaf" again in my life, I think that will be just fine. Who knew Fez would kiss & tell?
• Dance, white boy, dance!!!
• See, even Justin Timberlake thinks K-Fed is "gross"... Not that I consider JT to be the Dalai Lama of all things entertainment, but still... the man does have a point. And, Britney, puh-leeeeze put on a little bit of make-up or get your roots done. Just make it look like you gave it some effort, k?
• The Dan Band (remember the band from "Old School"? Rock on!!!)
• Cat fight on "The View"? Look at that disgusted face Joy Behar makes at the mere sound of Star Jones Reynbolds' voice. I totally understand.

Congratulations, Espers!!!

Yea!!! My friend Amanda and her husband Josh welcomed a healthy baby boy last night, William Sheperd (or "Shep" for short)... I'm so happy & excited for all of them!!!

Congratulations!!!!!!!!!!

F*cked Up. In More Ways Than One...

I went out for drinks with our "Wednesday night group" last night & then headed home. Well, upon arrival at my house, I stopped at the bottom of the driveway so I could get out & check my mail, only to look up & see someone sitting on my porch. In the dark. Just sitting. Weird, huh? Oh, just wait... I called out to him at least 3 or 4 times to see who he was & what the fuck he was doing at my house, on my porch, on a random Wednesday night. After he stumbles (literally) over to the door of my house & tries to go in, he then stumbles across my yard & walks over to my car to talk to me -- or rather, SLUR to me -- that his friends had dropped him off there & he'd drank a lot of beer (it was quite obvious beer was not ALL he had ingested)... & he was only 17 years old. Good Lord. I found out he lived not too far away so I decided, against my better judgment, to give him a ride home [he even offered to pay me for said ride, but his departure from my front steps was payment enough]. I mean, he wasn't going anywhere & I couldn't exactly tell him to go sit on my neighbor's porch instead, you know? Plus, "reason" wasn't exactly his strong suit at this point. At least this way, he'd be gone.

Anyway... so on the way there, I finally got him to tell me what he was really on (besides the beer) -- 8 bars of Xanax. E-I-G-H-T!!! How can that be fun? Or even survivable? That was revealed to me somewhere in between the 5 or 6 times he asked me about my 2 kids in the back seat (I have no kids, nor were there any hiding in my car), how old I was, & if I was married. Oh, and lithium. Nice... I called Jon right when I left to take this kid home, told him where I was going & that I would call him immediately when he got out of the car, at which point he kindly fussed at me for doing something so stupid -- as he should have. I may have done a foolish thing, but I was at least going to have someone know where & what foolish thing I was doing!!!

Once I got back home, I turned on the TV in my bedroom, only to have it change to "Video 2" by itself, which is the equivalent of changing the auxiliary to the DVD player or other device. This happened over & over, even though I had the remote in MY hand, & usually it was when I would walk back into the room or at critical times during a movie I was watching ("Wonderland" -- love it), almost like someone was outside my window changing it just to harass me. [Because what could be more fun than hiding in the bushes, changing someone's TV channels, right?] And then my dog, Winston, kept leaping off the bed & running into the other room like he was hearing strange noises. I know, I know... I was just paranoid at this point, but oddly enough, the TV worked just fine this morning. Go figure.

Leave All the Baby Work to Everyone Else.

Look! I'm holding a child and it's not crying!!! Can you fathom it? Usually all that they have to do is look at me and the tears start aflowin'... or at least, that's how it used to be. Probably because children themselves (nay, the mere thought of them) scared the ever-living shit out of me!!! Let's just say that I was never the "babysitter" type. But now that my cousin has kids, she lets me mess with them and knows they don't break that easily, so I'm much more comfortable around the little shits. Funny how that works, huh?

But come on, just look at that sweet thing!!! See, this is my way of having children "by proxy" (i.e. letting someone else do all the work). I highly recommend it... Speaking of babies & kids, I have 2 good friends from college who are due to pop at any moment -- updates arriving steadily by e-mail... It's weird to realize we are old enough to have & take care of little ones. Maybe I refuse to believe I am as old as I am. No, that's not it... I think it's just because I think of my friends & remember the nights out drinking, doing stupid things, being kids together, acting like idiots, etc., and it makes it hard to fathom us being parents ourselves... but I know they will make absolutely fab-o-lous mommies & can't wait to see the miniature versions of them!!!

---

Anyway... I have so many random & silly tidbits that I like to include, so I'm just gonna start doing bulleted lists on a fairly regular basis to post links & stories & stuff (like I've been doing already, basically)... That way, I can at least keep the "going off on tangents" and "expounding" on these jewels to a minimum. So, here goes:

• And to think, MY high school teacher only bought us liquor and pot. [Okay, so maybe not...]
• FINALLY!!! A place for people like me... ha, ha, ha!!!
• Caution: Entering Bird Dropping Area
• I can't help it -- it's always jolly good fun to laugh at Tom Cruise. He literally oozes insult-worthy material...
• Kurt Cobain action figure
• "Oh, waiter! There's a PENIS on my plate. Just what I ordered... yummy!!!"
• New fodder for my assaults -- Lindsay Lohan. What a little skank. You know, she might like that penis entree -- I mean, come on, she looks like she needs to eat something. [I almost hate to mention her in the same post as my cousin's kids, as the mere mention of her name might forever taint them...]

Actual Letter to a Local School...

I kid you not... I was given a copy of this letter sent to the coach of a local school by a child's parent. The spelling and grammatical errors are just as they appear in the letter. So they are, for lack of a better term, [sic]:

Dear Coach [name withheld],

You have my permission to pattle Jamarco ass. Eerytime he ack up on your bus woop his ass, only you. If you will please give him another chance because I woop his ass yesterday.

Thanks,

[name withheld]

Crazy Bitches & Profanity, among other things...

Not much going on today (whether that's a good or bad thing, I'm not quite sure), but that's no reason to keep from indulging myself in a pointless post now, is it?

I just heard Buckcherry's "Crazy Bitch" on the radio while I was at work (a song inspired by the Paris Hilton sex tape, mind you), and I was very curious as to how they were going to NOT play the lyrics which, though they do not offend me, are not exactly what you would call "good, clean family fun." How did they do it, you may ask? Just leave the words out altogether. Kind of takes away from the song, now doesn't it?

Hey, you're a crazy bitch
But you fuck so good, I'm on top of it
When I dream, I'm doing you all night
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on

And to think, I've had this damn song stuck in my head for DAYS now, people... Damn you, Buckcherry!!!

Sorry to seem like a repeat of myself, but I just had to include some more spring flower pictures taken this past weekend... Sorry, I can't help it, I just love them -- and how can pretty flowers NOT put a smile on your face, you old curmudgeon!? (admittedly, though, the pansies seem to be on their last leg)

On another note, I got a surprising phone call yesterday @ work -- a voice I'd been fearing I would hear for months, but that fear had recently subsided: my ex-boyfriend/fiance' who I haven't spoken to since last summer. The phone call lasted about 30 seconds & it was just to tell me he got his one-year sobriety token & to thank me for helping him get to that point. Then I realized it was Good Friday (end of March) last year when we had the "intervention" & I drove him to rehab (we had been broken up for 4 mos. or so even before that) -- wow, time flies. But I'm really proud of him -- or rather, FOR him.Above is a random picture taken last month at Sea World. It has absolutely NO relevance to this post, but I care not. Now, on with the random goodies:

• Personally, I like my "drunken Iranian" cooked medium rare, with a little bearnaise sauce...
• Coming on the heels of my bitching last week a/b a co-worker, a friend sent me a link to this book in jest -- Working with You Is Killing Me: Freeing Yourself from Emotional Traps at Work -- but I must admit, it actually looks like a decent book. Come on, you know you could use this book. Don't lie...
• I bought the Sea Monkey Imaginarium for my nephew's birthday (I could have just bought him clothes -- but see, I'm a good aunt). He's probably too young considering he thought the spoon used to feed them was a bubble blower, but I'm trying to bring back the Sea Monkey craze. What, you missed the craze the first time? For shame... Next stop, Chia Pets!!!
• Poll: Americans See, Hear More Profanity -- and I'm probably the cause of 90% of that profanity... Fuck yeah!!! {Only 8% report using the word "fuck" several times a day -- believe me, I make up for it w/out even trying -- so apparently I'm a minority -- but a growing minority, as a friend pointed out...}
• K-Fed's "Y'all Ain't Ready"... Nooooo, no we're not. And while I'm an art lover and all, "Monument to Pro-Life: The Birth of Sean Preston" is just taking it too far -- it makes Britney look like she's about to shoot that baby out with the force of a tennis ball machine!!!
• Happy Easter!!! (early -- just click on it)

Spring Has Sprung...

Spring is in the air... or at least, it seems so around town (despite the rubble from Katrina still apparent in some places, the flowers are peeking their pretty heads through anyway). Redbuds, wisteria, daffodils, irises, dogwoods, tulips, in bloom all over town. I love my hometown during the spring -- it really is beautiful. And finally, a rain-free weekend (as evidenced by the blue, Blue, BLUE sky in the picture above)!!!

My cousin was in town this weekend with her boys and, I swear, they just get cuter and cuter! Not that I'm biased or anything, of course... but just look at that face, and those teeth, and that smile, and that sweater, and... okay, I'll shutup. You know, if I just had the ENERGY of the 3-year old for a few hours -- nay, minutes! -- there is no telling what all I could get accomplished!!! Peace in the Middle East, perhaps?

We just got another set of assessments for damages to our condo in Orange Beach, AL, from Hurricane Ivan (yep, all the way back from September 2004) and it's just ugly. [since you cannot get "homeowner's insurance" on a condo, just contents coverage, the owners are responsible for splitting up the cost of damages, hence the "assessment" -- fun stuff] How can a sliding glass door possibly cost that much? They must think they are made of wind-resistant solid gold, I swear. The picture to the right is a view from our 8th floor balcony down to what used to be our pool and hot tub taken a week and a half after Ivan hit on September 16, 2004. Before all of that, it looked like the picture below (taken 8/15/2004). Nice, huh? And to think, we are just weeks away from the beginning of another hurricane season. Fuck.
On that note, back to work... But I'm sure I will have something else to rant and rave about before the day is out. Until then, later taters...

Friday Thoughts -- Good, Bad & Ugly...

Ever since I was little, I have heard about this man who raped & murdered at least 2 local teenage girls -- and now he is coming up for parole! Little did I know that Larry Fisher was actually serving time for ANOTHER incident which happened while he was out on parole for a rape, kidnapping & forcible robbery conviction in Georgia, & not for the murders of Melinda Weathers & Carol Formby in 1983 (although our local jury sentenced him to death in the gas chamber, the trial was moved to another county & the Mississippi Supreme Court overturned it). He was convicted of rape in a different case & given life with the possibility of parole. And now that possibility is upon us again.

“It is one of the crowning glories of our law that no matter how guilty one may be, no matter how atrocious his crime, nor how certain his doom, when brought to trial anywhere he shall, nevertheless, have the same fair and impartial trial accorded the most innocent defendant,” said Justice James L. Robertson, who wrote the majority opinion.

It's a "crowning glory" to have a dished out a sentence that ultimately ends with the possibility of the murderer & rapist going free? Because the evidence was so extensive, basically, and the news covered it as such, this was the reasoning used by the judge as to why Larry Fisher was not convicted of capital murder ("...the Supreme Court indicated it felt he was guilty of the crime, but he felt he was not given a fair trial in Lauderdale County...."). BECAUSE THE MEDIA REPORTED THE FUCKING NEWS. You know, it's situations like this that make me question the actual "justice" of our judicial system at times -- and whether or not we have created such a complicated web of laws in order to protect the innocent that they often become our downfall & the wrong people benefit from loopholes & "escape clauses"... the guilty people, the monsters, the people who should be locked up. It can be disheartening...

PLEASE take the time to read the articles that I linked to above -- it's scary how someone can literally get away with murder.

---

Have you ever had someone who just WOULD NOT SHUT THE FUCK UP & it just drives you batty? Good Lord... I know it must be PMS, but idle chit-chat @ work is going to be the death of me today. Note: I do not need to know every action you are about to perform and/or just finished nor do I want to listen to random stories about people I don't know. I cannot finish one single task without being interrupted with some bullshit that I don't care to hear or talk about. Thank heavens she's going to lunch & I get a break. Why am I such a bitch?

Just as I was a/b to complain about all of this via Instant Messenger w/ a co-worker, someone sent me that old joke about how you know you're living in the digital age, listing one of the signs as "You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you." It was at that point that I stopped, looked at her, and realized it was just the two of us in the office at that moment & I could just say it out loud rather than taking the time to type it. I'm a victim! Silly me...

---

• Finding drunks in a bar -- what are the chances?
• Random Factoid #1: The "spot" on 7-Up comes from its inventor, who had red eyes (he was an albino). Note: It has since been pointed out that this is not true after all -- http://www.snopes.com/business/names/7up.asp... I tell you, it's hard to find a good story involving albinism these days, isn't it?
• A Frenchman acts like a dick. But I repeat myself.
• "The Poopacy"
• The Real Names of Celebrities
• Random Factoid #2: The Declaration of Independence was written on hemp (marijuana) paper.
• Leprechaun in Tree, Part 1 (props to Matt, yet again)
• Caressing the seed of L. Ron Hubbard

And finally....

Bleh.

I really have nothing to post today, but I feel obligated to post SOMETHING... So here:

Portraits of My Pussy (cat).

Nice title, huh? Did I fool you? Yes? No? Oh well...

After posting yesterday about the resemblance between "Humphrey the Downing Street Cat" and my own kitty cat, Dixie Lou, I decided it had been waaaay too long since I tortured her with a photo assault, so here goes... First up, we have the "Go To Hell" pose (one of my personal favorites -- she was glaring at one of the dogs). Look at those bitchy eyes -- she is sooooo my cat:Next we have the "I Love Jon So Much, I Can Hardly Stand It" pose... If you cannot tell, she is literally rubbing all over his shaving/dop kit. She absolutely adores him. I love him, too, but I leave that kind of rubbing to her (and get a load of all that hair growing out of her ears -- ha!):
Finally, we have my favorite (see right) -- the "Holier Than Thou" statuesque pose. For lack of a better way to put it, it's so catty. And so Dixie... It's also a bit of a "Fuck you, silly human girl who feeds and loves me, I'm not gonna look at you and your stupid camera no matter how much you try to coax me into it." Basically, it's a kittified snub.

Now, don't we all feel better after having a good, close look at my pussy [cat]?

Subject Line.

I know what you're probably thinking: "Doesn't this bitch have anything better to do than post random stuff on her blog all day long?" And the answer is a resounding, "YES!" But, am I doing that other stuff? Eh, part of the time... plus, I spend way too much time trying to upload pictures while Blogger fucks up, making it take eons longer than it should just to complete a freaking post!!! So there.

I just heard a joke that reminded me of a birthday card my friend Kimpossible sent me (same joke, different characters): Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf one fine March day. One remarked to the other, "Windy, isn't it?" "No," the second man replied, "it's Thursday." And the third man chimed in, "So am I. Let's have a drink."

This was just too perfect not to rip out of a magazine with the ferociousness of a lion and place strategically on my desk for all to see. Or for at least long enough to take a picture: Now I just need one for those other times when I don't want any responsibility that reads: "Go the Fuck Away -- I'm Not the Boss!" You know, so I can have my cake and eat it, too. (Which is, if you think about it, an utterly stupid expression. Of course you want to eat your damn cake if you have it -- that's the whole point.)

Humphrey the cat dies, but what a life... Humphrey, the "Downing Street Cat" and one-time "mouser-in-chief" has died -- R.I.P., you little furball. According to Britain's Sun newspaper, the "World of Politics Mourns a Legend." However, I could not help but notice that ol' Humph looks eerily similar to my own little ball of fur at home (see below), the ever-prissy and bitchy Dixie Lou... Perhaps a long-lost British relative, shall we say?

Bum Wines, Tom Cruise, Racing Against the Weather, etc...

First of all, THIS is just deplorable. I have no other words. DEPLORABLE!!!

My sweet boyfriend sent this to me -- http://www.bumwine.com/ -- and upon opening it, I was taken back 15 years to MY own run-in with "Cisco" (the grape flavor) and it made me shudder -- literally. Click on it, and I assure you, if you haven't tried it, they are NOT lying about what it does to you. "Known as 'liquid crack', for its reputation for wreaking more mental havoc than the cheapest tequila... Often, people on a Cisco binge end up curled into a fetal ball, shuddering and muttering paranoid rants." Not to go into details, but suffice to say that I tried to get my friends to leave me on the side of the road in the McDonald's drive-thru -- it just seemed right at the time and I felt like ASS. Terrible, awful, putrid, vomiting ass. Ahhh, high school... good times, good times...

[Jon said his "poisons" were the MD 20/20 & Night Train... I'm really not sure what that says about the 2 of us!!!???]

I think this past weekend was something like the 7th out the last 8 weekends that it has rained here. It's raining so fat & ugly right now that it's only 1:30 p.m., yet it looks like it's nighttime outside... The kind of rain that makes you want to curl up in a fluffy, warm bed and just sleep your troubles away, you know? But alas, I am here 'neath the fluorescence of the office, toiling the hours away (and playing on my blog). And since I obviously have nothing better to do, here is another picture from this weekend:

Tom Cruise just plain sucks -- I can think of no better way to say it. Case in point (just one among many, mind you): He has somehow finagled Comedy Central to NOT air the South Park "Trapped in the Closet" episode. I'm sorry, but that was one of the funniest episodes to date!!! He & Isaac Hayes (a.k.a. "Chef") can suck it. And so can Scientology while we're at it. I ain't scared -- what, is the ghost of L. Ron Hubbard going to beam me up in his spaceship and beat me senseless until I adopt "Dyanetics" as my life plan and then give him money so I can be a part of his "clan"? Whatever. You just try to tell me I can't make noise or have drugs or bond with the kid when I have a baby and I'll kick you as hard as I can right square in the balls... Hard enough that it won't be an issue in the future.

Hilarious... In other news, our local TV station that was airing the NASCAR race (which was rained out yesterday) just made a bad, bad, bad mistake -- they cut away with only 10 laps left in the race to show the local weather-- given, the weather is pretty bad, but you have some serious race fans 'round here who were no doubt PISSED OFF!!! I just feel sorry for the poor receptionist @ the TV station -- no doubt she was cussed up & down like a dog. [they did actually come to their senses and cut back to it in the middle of the last lap...]

I just couldn't resist posting a picture sent to me by a friend from a kayak trip (I would love to be able take credit for this one, but alas, it is not my work) -- it was just too pretty and serene not to share... And the clear skies, oh, the clear skies!!! It's been so long since I have seen you!!! Where, oh where have you been hiding???

*Check out this website:
http://www.mississippibelieveit.com/
See? Contrary to popular belief, we aren't ALL barefoot and pregnant with our cousin's baby here in Mississippi...

Brokebacks & Pussycats & Bunnies...

I got to visit with some good friends from college on Friday night when I went over for a going-away party for one of them (see the bunny below)... Obviously, we were supposed to dress up, and you may not be able to tell from the picture, but the 2 of us on the left in black are donning cat ears and tails... A foursome of other friends (one being on the right in the picture below) went as the bunch from "Brokeback Mountain" -- nice... Quote Just Before Above Picture Was Snapped: "Wait! I can't have a butt-cut -- I'm a Playboy Bunny, g*damnit!!!"

Unfortunately, I forgot to turn the "red eye reduction" setting on when I took these pictures, so we all (perhaps appropriately) look like little demons with fiery eyes!!! Oops... But I digress... at the soiree', they had munchies, fires going outside, and a KEG -- so, needless to say, we were quite content with ourselves & by the end of the night, well, let's just say that it took mere seconds (if that) to fall asleep... ;)

It seems like ever since we got back home, this pollen that is covering EVERYTHING mixed with the dreary rain has had me so congested & sleepy, that I haven't done much of anything. Pitiful, I know... But that's what weekends are for, so long as you can still do it, right? Or is that my excuse to be lazy? Hmmmm...........

Happy Saint Patrick's Day!!!

Don't pinch me -- I'm wearing my GREEN!!! Albeit in the form of a green bead necklace that looks like English peas, a green suede purse, a green pea coat, and, of course, the green finger- and toenail polish (accessorizing a black ensemble, the greatest & most versatile of all clothing colors)... And tonight I plan to partake in some fermented barley & hops in liquid form en masse, and at this point, I really don't care if it's green or not...

Speaking of all things green, my frog now has a roommate. Or a plantmate. Or a girlfriend. Notice how I have totally given this frog not only a sex, but also a personality? call me the Queen of Anthropomorphism... But seriously, aren't they just 2 adorable little peas in a pod? Those poor little frogs -- they're probably totally accustomed to the camera flash, more than any "wild" animal should be. Lord help me, I ain't right...

You know what would make my St. Paddy's Day just the best ever? To be able to smack the shit out of this bitch with an Irish flute or a beer bottle or something hard & painful. I mean, that fake & utterly disgusting smile just SCREAMS, "I deserve to be hurt, and badly":
Anyway, I'll drink one for you if you'll drink one (or 4, or 5, or 10) for me... Oh, and slap her for me if you see her.

Wilco, Jessica Simpson, Brangelina, etc.

A bunch of us went to see Wilco last night and had a blast... I must admit, though, it was so weird to turn around in the bar @ Weidmann's (because, let's face it, who can go to a concert sober, right?) and see several different people I knew from college who were in town for the show -- great to see them, though!!! Small world... Especially if you go to college only 90 miles from where you are born. Yeah, that probably makes a bit of a difference, too...

Where does this little hussy Jessica Simpson get off snubbing the freaking PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES!? At what point do you deem your "cause" worthy of the President's attention, no matter the political party affiliation, Jess? And to think, she's a native Texan at that! I guess I didn't realize charity was so partisan (claiming that the reason is b/c her charity is a non-partisan group is just silly -- you take face time with the President whenever you can get it if it might help your cause, you idiot skank!). You know, just for that, I hope Nick Lachey DOES get alimony from her and that her dad suffers from an especially itchy case of crabs. He's entirely too annoying and creepily involved in her life anyway... I read all those gossip magazines, so OF COURSE, I know the truth!!! Hee, hee...

In other entertainment news, rumors are swirling that Brad Pitt & Angelina Jolie ("Brangelina") are tying the knot this weekend in Lake Como, Italy. Ummm, who the fuck cares? Or let me rephrase that: I totally keep up with all the celebrity gossip shit, and even I don't care. They are already living in sin and she's knocked up, soooooo???? It used to be customary to have the wedding first, move in together next, and THEN have the baby. I guess when you're famous, you don't have to have morals. I still like her, though... Brad, however, is delving into the annoying & irritating Tom Cruise ranks in my book.

*All that being said, the stuff on this site, The Superficial, is mean, ugly, spiteful, vengeful, & I love it!!! Plus, it's a lot funnier than me.

I got a bit lazy and drafted a post that I never published, then added to it and did it again, and again. Well, I finally published it today, but the date says March 13th, so it is out of the natural posting order. But if you want to see it, go here.

Just a little bit o' venting...

I figured I'd start out with a pretty picture before I get around to my inevitable bitching. You just can't beat a good sunset picture...

Anyway... onward and upward -- to the bitching we go!!! First of all, I don't know why I am so freaking exhausted lately. Mentally, physically, emotionally, all of it. I'm just TIRED. It's making me grumpy, sleepy, less social, and just all around bleh, you know? Yes, I've been working a lot. Yes, I have a good bit on my shoulders right now. Yes, my mind is constantly thinking about too many different things at once. Yes, I feel like I am spreading myself way too thin. And yes, it's good that I realize all of these things. But that being said, I don't know how or when to go about fixing them. Urgh. And "grrrr" and "hmph" on top of that.

I hadn't seen my little frog for a few days (it's been warm, so I've had the plant he was residing in sitting outside on my back porch). Well, I did a little more hunting around last night and, lo & behold, there he sat on the window above my door. While I can't say for sure that it's the same frog (I should have tagged or branded him or something -- ha!), it's about the same size and in the same area, so odds are..........

As I said in a previous post, the 2006 crop of my grandmother's baby horses are hitting the ground, and they are just so cute, you just want to gobble them up!!! And for that reason, I couldn't resist attaching a picture I snapped yesterday after church of the little colt I think should be called "Daddy Long Legs" (too bad he's laying down in the picture -- he's just about all legs!)...

See? My ranting and raving wasn't too bad, now was it? I'm probably just bottling it up so that it can erupt in one massive explosion all at once!!! Can't wait, can you??? [wink, wink]

Throwing Old Shingles into a Trashed Bathtub & Other Fun Stuff...

This is sort of a "mixed-post". Allow me to explain... I started this post on an earlier date (the last part about the gully), never posted it for some reason, and now I've added present stuff to it (the rest of it, which actually comes first in the post, which really makes no sense) because... well, just because.

THIS, however, is just fucking funny. I'm sorry to keep stealing Matt's material from his blog (I promise to try to quit), but reading this just about made me pee my pants laughing. Not quite, but almost.

[On a side note, ever feel like just bursting into tears for no good reason? Not because you're unhappy or mad or anything (stressed maybe? PMS perhaps?), but just because you feel the inkling that it might make you feel better? No? Just me? Figures...]

In other news, a bunch of us are going to see Wilco tomorrow night. Yes, they are actually coming here to our relatively small town -- why (on their part), I don't know, but I'm not gonna argue. And we'll be doing a good bit of drinking before, hopefully during, and after... Imagine that! Ha...

Why has Blogger been fucking up for the past 2 days? I'm starting to get irritated, and we all know how much it takes to irritate me (next to nothing, in case you didn't know)...

Now for the stuff that I failed to post in the past... At first glance, oh, this is such a pretty little waterfall/gully off to the side of the road:
Pretty, right? Then you pan over to the right just a bit and look at the bottom of the waterfall/gully -- and it's there that you see where people's behavior really shines:
Seriously, it's like an "I Spy" game of TRASH -- let's see, there's a bathtub there to the right, a washer and/or dryer to the left, a battery, tons of shingles (which then led to the creation of the game of trying to throw shingles into said bathtub w/ near but no success), a kitty litter container, a cornucopia of old buckets & pails, the hood of a car, *at least* one set of tires, pieces of a deck, roofing -- hell, I'm willing to bet you there is pretty much a whole house down there. Or at least pieces of one. Play your own game with it -- fun stuff!!! Ha.

T.G.I. mother-fucking F.

Of course everyone welcomes a good Friday (or whatever is the last day of the work week for you), but I'm not kidding with that title. Thank Goodness It's Mother-Fucking Friday!!! It's been a long/dramatic/stressful couple of weeks, and I'm just looking forward to the fact that I do not have to get up at any particular time tomorrow. If I want to wake up at 6 a.m., I will. If I want to sleep until 3 in the afternoon, well dammit, I will (and don't tempt me, because I can do it).

And guess what? We didn't blow away yesterday w/ the storm that came through yesterday the way we were being warned we would be -- call it what you will, but our local weather people just put everyone into a total state of PaNiC!!! I think the heading of this newspaper article pretty much sums it up perfectly: Area Prepared, But Storm Wimps Out. But I guess we are all a little bit gun-shy after our bout with the slew of hurricanes the past 2 years...

Everybody loves a good "Ghetto Girl Fight", right? (thanks to Matt for this one) Hey, I just try to keep you entertained...

I'll write more later. Right now, I'm drained.........

"No Bitching Zone"? Yeah, right...

Picture it: Vodka, Martini (extra dirty/extra dry, of course), and Bud Light are sitting around a table at a local bar. Martini & Bud Light are venting about their tales of woe just for shits & giggles when Vodka decides to whip out a marker and designate a "No Bitching Zone" around Martini & Bud Light (but mostly aimed at Martini, methinks):

As the night progresses (or degresses, depending on how you look at it) and several drinks later, the "No Bitching Zone" was morphed into the "No. #1 Queen Bitch Zone", thanks to the artwork and design team of Martini & Bud Light. Much better:

In other news, if you listen to our local news, "the sky is falling" and we are all going to blow away this afternoon here in Mississippi... Below is a radar image of the lovely storm headed our way (I sure thought we'd filled our quota for storms for awhile -- guess not). Look at all the pretty colors -- ha! I live in the town where the little red dot is... oh, the impending doom...

We're next...

A good friend sent this to me and I just couldn't resist sharing (especially after all the fun I've been having at work lately -- maybe I wish I was George).

Oh, the horror!!! The HORROR!!!!!

It has happened. I knew it was coming and it did. I was called "ma'am". I used to be the one calling everyone else "ma'am", dammit!!! A girl who works for us (albeit, younger than me) said something to me as she was leaving & several moments later it hit me like a ton of bricks. I turned to my co-workers and said, "Did she just say, 'Yes, ma'am' to me?" and one of them laughed [a bit spitefully, I might add] and said, "Yes, she most certainly did. Welcome to my world."

I'm only 29, for heaven's sake!!! {I just took the "Real Age Test" and I'm actually 32.15 years old --- maybe I'm a "ma'am" after all -- YIKES!!!} But then again, I guess a lot of girls my age are married with kids and all that good stuff. Then I think back to how different I was just 5 or 6 years ago and it's almost scary!!! So much changes, but I guess that's life. You just have to find the one you're willing to change along with (and who will put up with all of your "quirks") and not everyone has the same schedule.

Still... the "ma'am" reference pained me, it really did. But hey, at least she has good Southern manners!!! And that means a lot to an old bitch like me. ;)

Weekend Update.

We went to a cookout/dinner/get-together @ my friends' Graham & Joey's house Saturday night... Good company, good food, good drinks -- just eating, drinking & being merry!!! It was good to see people haven't seen in awhile, even though we live barely more than a hop, skip & a jump from one another. Funny how that happens, huh? Life just sort of gets in the way sometimes, I guess...

"Birthing season" has begun for my grandmother's little horses... The first babies have hit the ground, and I went over and spent some time with them on Saturday (it was such a beautiful day outside)... They are so adorable when they are newborns, and it's kind of funny because the first arrivals are always a bit fuzzier due to the cooler weather... But anyway, you can see a picture of the newest arrival, a little sorrel colt with gangly legs that he hasn't quite grown into yet [though you can't tell in the picture] -- like a baby giraffe... My grandmother jokingly suggested calling him "Daddy Long Legs", but I seriously loved the name...

I still ride around town and every once in awhile, and it occurs to me that a lot of the damage from Hurricane Katrina is still all around us, but I'm slowly becoming accustomed to it... We were 200+ miles inland and still got it pretty bad (but nothing like the Mississippi Gulf Coast)... Everyone here did an amazing job of cleaning up, though... still, it takes time to undo damages like that!!! Anyway, what I was getting at was how easy the debris and fallen trees can become just another part the daily landscape when you see it all the time... and I'm not sure if that's a good or a bad thing...

Well, enough of my usual rambling... Happy Oscar Night!!! Hope everyone had a fine, relaxing weekend... I just wish it wasn't over so soon!!!!!! xoxo...

Random Bits & Pieces...

• A friend sent this via e-mail -- I promise it's worth your while to take a gander at: Ouch! Love Hurts (2 pages)
• Like I said in one of my previous posts, my grandmother reminded my family to keep feeding the birds, even though it's winter and they fly south. But we ARE the South!!! Anyway, there was an article in our local paper today about it, and what seed to put where to attract which birds... It's actually pretty interesting... SO FEED THE BIRDS!!!!
• I work with a woman who has had laryngitis all week -- as in, she can't talk AT ALL... And this is our busiest time of the month in the office. Bless her heart, she's been having to write stuff on message pads, knock on her desk to get our attention, have other people make and answer phone calls for her, etc. Of course, we all told her to try a little whiskey & sugar (hey, if it was good enough for my grandmother to give me for a cough when I was an itty-bitty kid, it must be good enough for laryngitis, right?) and I think after the week we've all had, she might just try a lot of whiskey & sugar!!! Anyway, we joked to her that she should pin a note to her shirt like in elementary school when the teacher wanted to make sure your parents got something, and when she did, it actually worked quite well. If you can't read it in the picture to the right, her little sign says, "Sorry, I can't talk." I think the best retort so far, though, was when her mother came by, read it, and exclaimed, "So I can say anything I want to you right now and you won't talk back!" Classic.
• Frog Update for all of those not interested. He is alive and well and taking full advantage of the warm weather we've been having by fattening up on bugs and enduring my incessant photographing of him for really no good reason. But I do it anyway. Chalk it up to his "rent".
• And last but certainly not least is one of the latest pictures of my nephew/son (remember, my cousin told me over Christmas that I could have him). Of course, although he's mine, I'm letting her take care of him all the way over in Georgia -- it fits in with my work & social schedule so much better that way. And financially, not having to pay anything to feed & clothe him is nice. And not changing dirty diapers. And being able to give him back to her if he starts crying (which he never does anyway b/c he's just a perfect little angel). Oh, and not having to breastfeed -- that's a BIG one!!! Ha... But anyway, I just had to post a picture of the little cutie-patootie... could you not just EAT HIM UP!? As my grandmother says, his smile practically takes up his entire face, and all he does is smile...